My hopes are so high

keep art alive :: art by Caia Koopman “Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember. Always remember the sound of the stereo. the dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair, that you twirled in your fingers, and the time on the clock, when we realized “It’s so late!” and this walk that we share together. The streets were wet, and the gate was locked, so I jumped it, and let you in. And you stood at the door, with your hands on my waist. and you kissed me like you meant it. and … Continue reading My hopes are so high

If I never said I loved you

Goodbyes that were not meant to be goodbye leave the strangest shadows over our hearts. Those kisses that were fleeting, light, and nothing like a last kiss, yet looking back, those tiny kisses in the rain were exit signs. You whispered something, as your mouth brushed the side of my face. I could feel the not-shaved-in-a-day stubble sting my skin, and it gifted me a slight smile. That feeling, one of my favorites with you. As we parted, you going one way, me, stepping into a waiting car, I watched you slip into the shadows, a sigh escaping into the … Continue reading If I never said I loved you

She sings the songs

keep art alive; “yume-no-ato” by audrey kawasaki Every memory I have that means anything to me has a cord of connection that trails and circles itself back to music. Perhaps it was the fact that my mother spent her adolescence as a Penny Lane type of girl, trailing around The Doors and becoming quite close with Jim Morrison. There are stories my mother lets slip every now and then that make me realize there is so much more then what I know of her, things I most likely will never know. A few summers ago, I listened as she told a … Continue reading She sings the songs

Bolts from above hit the people down below

“Each way I turn, I know iIll always try to break this circle that’s been placed around me. From time to time, I find I’ve lost some need, that was urgent to myself, I do believe. Up, down, turn around, please don’t let me hit the ground, tonight I think I’ll walk alone, I’ll find my soul as I go home.” It was the year before the last real school year. The year he left. No more outside scars; I just won’t mention the one’s on the inside, those you have to learn to life with. God and I had reached an understanding, … Continue reading Bolts from above hit the people down below

This love’s a nameless dream

The first time I heard Elisabeth Freser’s unique voice was in the early 80’s while lying on the floor of a friend’s bedroom flipping through pages of Star Hits. I remember that it made me pause my latest search for Duran Duran pin-ups and ask “who is this?”; from that point on I was hooked on the Cocteau Twins, and fascinated by Elisabeth’s ethereal voice. In 1992, my beautiful daughter Julia was born, one of her middle names chosen after Elisabeth, a favorite singer of both her father’s and mine. I saw the Cocteau Twins play live around the time of this album, Four-Calendar Cafe. … Continue reading This love’s a nameless dream

This a woman’s liberation honey is a gonna start right now

Woke up this morning with this song in my head, and found myself singing it as I made coffee, fixed my hair and climbed into the car to take on my long commute to work. The song will always remind me of my Aunt and her love of women in country music, and strong fuck you kind of songs like this one. I was five years old singing-a-long at the top of my lungs to this one, amongst others, played on her 8-track. As a young girl, I loved the way Loretta Lynn pronounced Irish Setter and hair, and how she … Continue reading This a woman’s liberation honey is a gonna start right now

I just happen to like apples, and am not afraid of snakes

“And your trying to find a reason, why you have to leave. But, I know its cause you think you’re Adam, you think I’m Eve.” Sometimes I forget how much Ani DiFranco’s music moves me. And then, here I am, as I stumble onto a song I may have never heard, or truly listened to (because there is a difference between hearing and listening), and suddenly it hits me fast and hard like an unexpected car crash somewhere on the open road in the middle of the night. I never saw it coming. Adam and Eve, especially the line “Just don’t treat me like I am … Continue reading I just happen to like apples, and am not afraid of snakes

To stay warm

You built a wall of pillows around you, and I curled myself tightly inside the hotel comforter, so snug I could hardly inhale. We were cold, both of us, chilled to our bones. I reasoned it was because you left the window half-open, to hear the ocean, you’d said. The salty night air slid into the room, most likely bringing the room’s temperature down with it. You shifted slightly and I murmured your name. I wished for you to wake up, to take me in your arms again, to warm me up. But, you did not respond, at all.  So, … Continue reading To stay warm

Kiss me hard before you go

It was a one-time thing, a passing moment, something someone might coin a fling, but I think we both knew it was so much more. I could define it as a mistake, but that would be a misunderstanding. That night, it was not the error in judgement, it was the days that followed after. The next day the plane took off taking me back to a home that felt anything but. I still had water in my ears. As we landed, I had water falling from my eyes, too. There was this sadness that fell over me that I could … Continue reading Kiss me hard before you go

And if it makes you less sad

1. This song may be hard to do this with, but I’m trying to challenge myself with my writing, and with cracking myself open more. I feel as if I’ve let the walls come up lately, with myself especially, and as a writer and a person who seeks to be enlightened and self-aware, I need to break down those walls. Some stories, and some memories, they still hurt like hell though and it is a scary thing to re-open them. This song makes me feel fragile, and sad. 2. Some stories we keep to ourselves for so long they start to … Continue reading And if it makes you less sad