Someday you will ache like I ache

I have spent the majority of my grown-up life feeling spread too thin. When I close my eyes I picture my limbs turning to rubber, stretching beyond reality, until I snap. There is always someplace or some person or something that needs a part of me. I am not saying I am a prisoner, forced to maintain a myriad of tasks and cares. My choices have led me to this level of exhaustion. I take on too much, I have trouble saying no, and my anxieties make it hard to focus some days, and nights. I feel pulled apart and … Continue reading Someday you will ache like I ache

You are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins

There are certain moments that we hold sacred, or secret, within ourselves. Perhaps we never tell anyone else about them, or if we do, we hold back little details because there is something so precious in the memory that sharing it too completely with someone else – someone who was not in that moment with us – just feels wrong. As a writer it is hard not to bleed out those kinds of moments as they are the raw stuff of passion and lust, heartbreak and loss; it is the good stuff we all want to immerse ourselves in. But, … Continue reading You are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins

Yeah, for us, these are the days

There once was a boy who sang this song to a girl sitting atop a train tunnel, as the sun was just starting to come up. The girl knew he was never really hers, that he was fleeting, temporarily on loan to her. Yet even in the few stolen moments they had the girl learned from this boy. She learned passion, she learned want and need, and she learned how it felt to be seen as beautiful. Not beautiful in the constructs of society, and not even beautiful in the poet’s way of defining beauty, but beautiful in the way … Continue reading Yeah, for us, these are the days

Left my soul there

When everything feels overwhelming, and all my fears have taken residency in my head and heart, water is usually the only thing that brings me solace. I do not necessarily need to be submerged in it, sometimes all it really takes is to be in close proximity to it. The ocean, she is a healer, a keeper of secrets, a symbol of hope and freedom, and a place where I have sat beside and let everything go. The vastness, the seemingly never-ending ever after feeling that it brings, it makes the worries seem small enough to conquer and gifts the … Continue reading Left my soul there

I’ve got nothing today but smile

I am learning to recognize that every day that I wake up to I have choices to make. That may sound simple, I mean we all make choices as to what to wear, whether to have a second (or third) cup of coffee before we leave, what to have for lunch, but there are other choices we have in front of us, hidden ones, bigger ones, ones that impact us more than we possibly realize. We have opportunities that we often overlook, or at least I know I have, in exchange for being locked up in our own stresses and … Continue reading I’ve got nothing today but smile

Let me go

There is a moment when you know it is all coming to an end. No one has to say a word, or acknowledge the closing curtain, it is there circling around like a vulture, a barely their aura of no more. Sometimes there is an audible sigh of regret. Other times there is that bittersweet surge of excitement, change can bring that to the surface, even if it arrives dressed in a cloak of melancholy. For me, there is always that hiccup of uncertainty that gives me a pause of doubt. More often than not, I feel ill prepared for … Continue reading Let me go