Things are shifting inside of me, feelings moving to one side, or another, and some things I think I'm just letting go of. I swore that this would be a year of change for me. I said it like a mantra, like a wish, like a promise to myself. It was different than a resolution, bigger, more true, because I kept it to myself, tucking it away. I may have said it now andagain, but the words were kept vague, grey-tinted, blurry. I did not even know myself what all the changes would be. I didn't want to know. I did not want to make lists that might sit there as a reminder, as expectation, as disappointment. No, I wanted it to be more natural than that. I wanted to see what change could be, what change might come.
When I was a young girl I collected Barbies, and other trademarked dolls, usually representing a movie or television character, like Princess Leia, all three Charlie’s Angels, or Cher. I had boxes of clothing for them, a bright pink jeep and a lemon yellow motor home, and the ultimate “dream house” which had cut out holes in the roof for my hands to reach in, but no stairs or doors to any of the rooms. I had a few “men“, too, Ken with his “real” looking hair and smooth “boy mound“, and Han Solo who had painted on hair, and the outlines of a muscular frame, but still no “boy parts“.
Some time last year I split my blog up into multiple blogs, leaving this space to be solely devoted to music. The name of the space means lyrical discord, after all, but limiting the space, and splintering off in so many directions, meant that all the others tended to fall into neglect because this space here has my heart, and it is where I always return to. It is my writing home and try to focus my attentions on other writing, my education and a job change that is just about to start, I have decided to bring all the separate spaces, and lyriquediscorde off-springs and spin-offs, back home again.
Change has always been one of my life definers, a sometimes strength, and at other times a weakness, of who I am. Friends used to tease me about the ever-revolving email addresses and online personas, and for good reason, I would often give in to the restless shake and rattle in my insides and because …