I’ll Give You the Sun :: Jandy Nelson :: Book Review

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I’ll Give You the Sun :: Jandy Nelson

About the book:

Via Google Books: I’ll Give You the Sun, was published in 2014. It is a story of first love, family, loss, and betrayal told from different points in time, and in separate voices, by artists Jude and her twin brother Noah. Jude and her twin brother, Noah, are incredibly close. As a series of family tragedies and misunderstandings creates a rift between the two, only by coming back together can they fully understand their story and set the world right again, to remake it.

I’ll Give You the Sun won the prestigious Printz Award, a Stonewall Honor, Bank Street’s Josette Frank Award, and is listed on numerous best of the year lists, including the 2015 YALSA Top 10 Best Fiction for Young Adults, NPR, Time magazine, and Rainbow List Top 10.

As of April 2015, I’ll Give You the Sun is published in 25 countries, and is optioned by Warner Bros for a film to be written by Natalie Krinsky and produced by Denise Di Novi and Allison Greenspan.

About the author:

Jandy Nelson is an American author of young adult fiction. Prior to her career as an author, Nelson worked for 13 years as a literary agent. She holds a BA from Cornell University as well as MFAs in poetry and children’s writing from Brown University and Vermont College of Fine Arts. She currently lives in San Francisco, California.

My thoughts:

Every once in awhile I fall in love with a book in a long term, I want to marry you and have babies and grow old together kind of way. I know it early on usually, or at least have a strong inkling, and as I go further, if it is true book love, I fall harder and harder, and start to slow down, slower, slower, not wanting to say goodbye to the characters, nor the world they inhabit. “I’ll Give You the Sun” is a true book love story for me. This book is now in the top 5 of my all-time favorites, and I am confident it will stay there.

How do I describe it? To be honest, I sort of don’t want to describe it at all, because I came to it not knowing anything, and I think it made the falling for it all the better.

I will say that it is about love, about family, about getting lost and finding your way back, its about art and artists, its about insecurities and doubt, secrets, lies, its about forgiveness and hope, loss and ghosts and dreams and love and freedom and self, all told through these amazing, unforgettable characters, and with an exquisitely slight brush of magical realism thrown in.

I want to know these characters. I want to eat donuts with Oscar and Guillermo, collect moon rocks with Noah and Brian, discuss magic and art and love with Jude, meet the “where the hell is Ralph” bird, Prophet, and see what happens on “the ark”.

I listened to this as an audio book, which I also would recommend. Julie Whalen is a favorite audio book/voice talent, and she was, as always, fantastic narrating Jude’s portion of the book. Jesse Bernstein was also exceptional narrating Noah’s side of things.

This will be the next book that I give to everyone, like God Shaped Hole, and say please read this.

Friday Five :: Songs about New York

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Songs About New York

Walk In New York - The Secretariat Building at night. 1951 - Ewing Galloway

For the month of September I will be picking a city to do a Top 5 Songs of Post for the weekly Friday Five theme. The second installment is a city I still haven’t gotten to visit, but very much want to. I have dreams of staying in the Chelsea Hotel and writing short stories there, of getting lost in Central Park, of taking a train to Upstate, of seeing a show on Broadway, and most of all, seeing my friends that live there. I know that I have a romanticized vision of the city, and that nothing lives up to such dreamy ideals, but I still want to see it, be in it, feel the city for myself. Someday I will find myself in the city that never sleeps.

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The city seen from the Queensboro Bridge is always the city seen for the first time, in its first wild promise of all the mystery and the beauty in the world.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

I love New York, even though it isn’t mine, the way something has to be, a tree or a street or a house, something, anyway, that belongs to me because I belong to it.” ~ Truman Capote

London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it.” ~ Dorothy Parker

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Following are my Top 5 songs about the New York. Do you have any?

1. Chelsea Hotel No. 2 :: Leonard Cohen

And clenching your fist for the ones like us
who are oppressed by the figures of beauty,
you fixed yourself,
you said, ‘well never mind,
we are ugly but we have the music.'”

2. New York :: Stephen Fretwell

Fuck what they say,
fuck it if they talk,
it really dont matter,
we’re going to New York
.”

3. Only Living Boy in New York :: Simon & Garfunkel

“I’ve got nothing to do today but smile.”

4. New York, New York :: Ryan Adams

And love don’t play any games with me,
anymore like she did before.
The world won’t wait,
so I better shake,
that thing right out there through the door.
Hell, I still love you, New York.”

5. Walk on the Wild Side :: Lou Reed

She says, ‘hey, babe,
take a walk on the wild side.”
Said, “hey, honey,
take a walk on the wild side.”

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Friday Five :: Songs about Los Angeles

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Songs About Los Angeles

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For the month of September I will be picking a city to do a Top 5 Songs of Post for the weekly Friday Five theme. To start off with, of course, my hometown, place of my birth, and place I always find myself back in no matter how many times I try to leave, Los Angeles. The city of angels, of broken dreams, of Hollywoodland, of tinsel and stars on the sidewalk, and maps to the stars handed out by the homeless, and of mountains and oceans and palm trees, and yes, really nice weather (except for maybe the earthquakes). I have spent my life falling in and out of love with this city, she holds my memories, and I try not to hold her in too much disdain, after all, I am always the prodigal daughter returning, again and again and again.

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I could hear everything, together with the hum of my hotel neon. I never felt sadder in my life. LA is the loneliest and most brutal of American cities; New York gets godawful cold in the winter but there’s a feeling of wacky comradeship somewhere in some streets. LA is a jungle.” ~ Jack Kerouac

If Los Angeles is a woman reclining billboard model and the San Fernando Valley is her teenybopper sister, then New York is their cousin. Her hair is dyed autumn red or aubergine or Egyptian henna, depending on her mood. Her skin is pale as frost and she wears beautiful Jil Sander suits and Prada pumps on which she walks faster than a speeding taxi (when it is caught in rush hour, that is). Her lips are some unlikely shade of copper or violet, courtesy of her local MAC drag queen makeup consultant. She is always carrying bags of clothes, bouquets of roses, take-out Chinese containers, or bagels. Museum tags fill her pockets and purses, along with perfume samples and invitations to art gallery openings. When she is walking to work, to ward off bums or psychos, her face resembles the Statue of Liberty, but at home in her candlelit, dove-colored apartment, the stony look fades away and she smiles like the sterling roses she has brought for herself to make up for the fact that she is single and her feet are sore.” ~ Francesca Lia Block

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Following are my Top 5 songs about the Los Angeles. Do you have any?

1. Let Me Back In :: Rilo Kiley

But when the palm trees bow their heads,
no matter how wrong I’ve been,
L.A.,
you always let me back in
.”

2. La Cienega Just Smiled (live) :: Ryan Adams

“And I hold you close in the back of my mind,
feels so good but damn it makes me hurt.
And I’m too scared to know to how I feel about you now.
La Cienega just smiles…”see ya around”.”

3. L.A. Song (live) :: Beth Hart

She hangs around the boulevard,
she’s a local girl,
with local scars.”

4. A Long December :: Counting Crows

“And it’s one more day up in the canyon,
and it’s one more night in Hollywood.
It’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean,
I guess I should.

5. Angeles (live) :: Elliott Smith

I could make you satisfied in everything you do,
all your secret wishes could right now be coming true,
and be forever with my poison arms around you.
No one’s gonna fool around with us.
No one’s gonna fool around with us.
So glad to meet you,
Angeles.”

How to Kill a Rock Star :: A Book Review

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How to Kill a Rock Star :: Tiffanie DeBartolo
A Book Review

It sounds silly, I know. But for me, the power of music rests in its ability to reach inside and touch the places where the deepest cuts lie.
Like a benevolent god, a good song will never let you down.
And sometimes, when you’re trying to find your way, one of those gods actually shows up and gives you directions.”

Some books are like old friends that now live far away, too far to visit with often, yet they are still with you, still a part of your life. Sometimes you have to call those friends up and have a long, cathartic conversation. Sometimes, too, you have to pick up one of those kind of books and re-acquaint with an “old friend“. For me, I felt like it was time for to reunite with Eliza, Paul and Loring, so when I was recovering from surgery, a few months back, I picked up my copy of How to Kill a Rock Star for a re-read. I am a voracious reader, but this re-read took time to get through, partially because I have been extraordinarily busy these last few months, mostly, though, it was because I did not expect to be so emotionally overturned by the revisited read.

Tiffanie DeBartolo’s books are among my favorites of all-time. Her characters, both in this book, and in God-Shaped Hole, hit me in a so real and so relatable and as How to Kill a Rock Star‘s Paul would say, so “god-damned” relevant to my life. Tiffanie’s characters feel like friends and lovers from my own life, and some of them feel like me. Her books, they effect me like music does, and that is a huge thing for me to say. Admittedly, it is usually Trixie and Grace, from God-Shaped Hole, that shake me up so completely, so when this book started to turn me inside out, leaving me an emotional wreck at the end of each “act“, I was honestly unprepared.

Eliza is an orphan. Her parents died in a plane crash, leaving Eliza terrified of all things airplane, and deeper still, leaves her terribly afraid of losing love, and loved ones. Eliza loves music, and writes about what she loves. She especially loves the fictional Doug Blackman, who reminds me of a mix of an older Bono, Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan. Doug’s music saved Eliza’s life in that way that only music can. Music is Eliza’s lifeline.

Eliza meets Doug in a hotel lobby and falls apart in a way that connects with Doug, who allows her to interview him, something he is not too keen on doing at this juncture of his career.

Paul is a musician the likes of Jeff Buckley, Elliott Smith, Kurt Cobain, Jimmy Gnecco and Joseph Arthur. He is not famous like those comparisons though, not yet, at least. He lives in a tiny apartment in a not-so-great area in New York City. Paul works at the Gap, keeps an audio diary, writes music that is magical and emotional and real and raw, but as of yet, mostly unheard. Paul is in a band with Eliza’s brother Michael, who suggests that Eliza take the empty room in Paul’s tiny apartment to help with the rent.

Eliza and Paul are soul mates in the least cheesiest and contrived way possible. Their DNA’s match up, so to speak, and it is an almost magical thing to watch unfold what happens between these two people. Music is at the core of their relationship, but it is more than that, deeper than that. That said, they are both flawed people who make some atrocious decisions which were hard for me to work my way through (Eliza especially).

There is Loring, too. Doug’s son who is also a musician who seems terribly underrated as an artist, but who is financial and “career” successful. Loring did not make much of an impact the first time I “met” him when I first read the book, but this time his character made a huge impression on me. I felt my heart breaking more and more for Loring, seeing things in him that I have missed in people who have been in my life.

Without spoiling a single thing, I will say that this story, this time around, had me shattered at times, but I am glad for it. I needed the soul kick and the emotional upside down roller coaster moment, and I needed to open my eyes to things about myself in a way that this book helped facilitate. I needed to see the Eliza in me, and face some pretty significant things that I have been avoiding for far too long.

That said, this book is not heavy-handed or horrifically tragic, I promise. It is music-filled, and real people filled, and has pages of wit, wonder and honesty that will have you wanting to keep the book around for future re-reads, as well. It is full of writings that you will want to highlight and quote, too. Eliza, Paul and Loring are the kinds of characters that stick around, and you will be glad you took the time to meet them.

Tiffanie continues to be one of my all-time favorite authors and I have to thank her for the gift of this story. My only wish is that she would write another book, maybe even with these characters, including Trixie, from God-Shaped Hole, who makes a blink and you might miss her appearance in How to Kill a Rock Star.

There are things we never tell anyone. We want to but we can’t. So we write them down. Or we paint them. Or we sing about them. It’s our only option. To remember. To attempt to discover the truth. Sometimes we do it to stay alive. These things, they live inside of us. They are the secrets we stash in our pockets and the weapons we carry like guns across our backs. And in the end we have to decide for ourselves when these things are worth fighting for, and when it’s time to throw in the towel. Sometimes a person has to die in order to live. Deep down, I know you know this. You just can’t seem to do anything about it. I guess it’s a sad fact of life that some of us move on and some of us inevitably stay behind. Only in this case I’m not sure which one of us is doing which. You were right about one thing though. It’s not fate. It’s a choice. And who knows, maybe we’ll meet again someday, somewhere up above all the noise. Until then, when you think of me, try and remember the good stuff. Try and remember the love.”

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It’s in everything we do :: SOTD

music drunk

But we’re trash you and me. 
We’re the litter on the breeze.
We’re the lovers on the streets.
Just trash,
me and you
.”

Do you ever have one of those moments where you pick up a book and randomly, by chance, open to a page and just see what it says? And that something you find is just what you needed to see, or feel, right at that very moment? Or, have you ever had one of those conversations with some one, either in-person or in-writing, and the words exchanged are similar, if not the same? Like those couples that after years together can fill in each other’s sentences?

Or maybe, as it seems to happen to me quite often, your shuffled playlist becomes musically intuitive and touches on your mood, or taps you on the shoulder with an idea of some kind – either for a story, or a ramble of some sort. Music is ever a muse to me.

This afternoon it was Trash by The Whip followed right behing byTrash by Suede. I was immediately reminded of a conversation I had with a friend once about how someone should mash these songs up, that they were just screaming to be melded into one keen remix. And then, a few hours later, as I was putting a few books away, my collection of Oscar Wilde fell off the shelf. I did that random page opening trick, and lo and behold one of my favourite quotes of his greeted me – and it all just seemed to fit.

One person’s trash is another person’s sky full of stars just waiting to be wished upon.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Trash :: Suede

and for conversation and continuity sake…

Trash :: The Whip

I wanna, I wanna,
I wanna be trash.”

The Beginning of Everything :: An Audio Book Review

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The Beginning of Everything :: Robyn Schneider
An Audio Book Review
Listen to an excerpt here

Sometimes I think that everyone has a tragedy waiting for them, that the people buying milk in their pajamas or picking their noses at stoplights could be only moments away from disaster. That everyone’s life, no matter how unremarkable, has a moment when it will become extraordinary-a single encounter after which everything that really matters will happen..”

Ezra believes that within everyone’s life a tragedy lies waiting, and that only after said tragedy occurs does one’s life truly begin. Or, maybe, that is just how he wants to see the world since tragedy has befallen the once “golden boy” of Eastwood high school, a fictional school in a fictional Orange County town that seems very much like the Irvine I grew up close by to. Ezra’s tragedy changes his life drastically, and it is now up to him to decide how it changes him within that life.

This is more than the typical coming-of-age story, and it is more than the young adult label may suggest, this is a book about living at any age, about loss and love, and about figuring out who you are deep down inside, and not just who you are to the world around you. It will most likely be categorized on the “if you like John Green” shelf, which is not a wrong summation, but I think it is unique in its voice, style and character, as well.

My initial love for this book came to me because of location. The setting, though fictionally named, is the area of Southern California that I came of age in. I know this place, and the inhabitants that live and grow there. I know the streets and the landmarks, the sound of the Disneyland fireworks, the fear of coyotes and the wealth backed right up to the migrant worker groves. I also know the pressure of the schools and students who live there, and the perceptions that so many try to live up to, or at least survive within.

This book reads immediate, as if it was written yesterday, with nods to songs and bands, fads and technology. There are silent flash mobs, Doctor Who references, pep rallys to Vampire Weekend and make-out sessions to Bon Iver songs. And, there are philosophy and literary references that delight the book geek in me. The book overflows in pop culture in just the way that I adore.

The characters are the kind that creep in and stick to my heart, especially Ezra and Toby. I loved their friendship, the complexities and ebb and flow that often happens to friends who meet in childhood and drift during adolescence. Theirs was my favorite relationship, and I was glad to see it transcend throughout the span of the story. I was also partial to Ezra and his dog, Cooper, very much a “boy and his dog” emotional tug that had me literally in tears at a certain point. I also loved that Ezra and Cooper had a Nick and Jay Gatsby relationship (loved The Great Gatsby references).

Cassidy, the girl who comes into Ezra’s life at the post-tragedy turning point was a tough one for me. I wanted to like her, I wanted her to come around in the end and be something more for herself, and for Ezra, but she never did. There were shades of the “manic pixie girl” to her (I vehemently hate that term though), and at times she struck me as a teenage version of Clementine (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), except not as likable, to me. Though, I will say that the wanting to like her and not ever getting there was unique, and in some ways I welcomed it. She was part of Ezra’s journey, and not every part of our epic life journeys include people who stick and stay forever.

My two complaints are that I wish the author had stuck to the initial title of the book, Severed Heads, Broken Hearts, which I think fit so much more and has a more unique punch to it. Also, the narrator, Dan John Miller, while fabulous as Ezra, was terrible when doing the girl’s voices. It came across as a bad parody of a 1980’s Valley Girl and was often times distracting to the female dialogue.

Beyond these minor complaints, I loved the book, the characters, the references, the setting, and the relationships. Ezra and Toby are now part of my list of favorite fictional characters, and Cooper, on a new list of favorite fictional dogs.

Oscar Wilde once said that to live is the rarest thing in the world, because most people just exist, and that’s all. I don’t know if he’s right, but I do know that I spend a long time existing, and now, I intend to live.”

Middlesex :: An Audio Book Review

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Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
An Audio Book Review
Listen to an Excerpt here

Emotions, in my experience, aren’t covered by single words. I don’t believe in “sadness,” “joy,” or “regret.” Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I’d like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, “the happiness that attends disaster.” Or: “the disappointment of sleeping with one’s fantasy.” I’d like to show how “intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members” connects with “the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age.” I’d like to have a word for “the sadness inspired by failing restaurants” as well as for “the excitement of getting a room with a minibar.” I’ve never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I’ve entered my story, I need them more than ever. ”

Nature versus nurture, questions of gender, and the ideal of “normal” has always been an interest of mine, one that has grown as I have grown, life changes and occurrence ever adding to my questioning whether “normal” even exists, what makes us unique, and what influences the person we become. Gender has always been an interest, the power and the influence, the detriment, the ideologies and expectations. Beyond that, though, the myth of “normal” and the idea that we are trapped by genetics is something that I have bucked against, for myself, and for my children, especially my son who exists on the autism/aspergers spectrum and who is constantly judged by an invisible spectrum of normal that we have to constantly choose to fight against, or live within.

I was beginning to understand something about normality. Normality wasn’t normal. It couldn’t be. If normality were normal, everybody could leave it alone. They could sit back and let normality manifest itself. But people-and especially doctors- had doubts about normality. They weren’t sure normality was up the job. And so they felt inclined to give it a boost.”

Callie/Cal Stephanides is our brilliant host and narrator, who leads the reader through an epic journey of love, loss, change, circumstance, choice, fate and gender. Born with a mutation of the fifth chromosome which makes her appear at a birth to be a girl, although she is, in fact, biologically and hormonally a boy, Callie/Cal shares her experiences from the perspective of 41 years of living through what fate and free will have brought. We meet a cast of characters that span generations of love, loss and life told with such compassion, wit and vulnerability that very quickly I found myself attached to the Stepanides family. I looked forward to each subsequent chapter in their lives, dreading the time that I knew would eventually come when the book would be over, knowing full well that this family would carry on living within me for a long time after.

This is one of my first experiences with a multi-generational spanning novel and I have to say it was a fantastic journey. I found myself so deeply engrossed with the first story, the tale of Desdemona and Lefty, their unorthodox relationship and on-ship “courtship” and marriage, the tragic fires of Smyrna, and their relocation to Prohibition-era Detroit. I loved these characters so much, and had equal parts frustration and compassion for both Desdemona and Lefty, that I was unsure how I would feel when the story shifted focus to their son Milton, his wife Tessie, and their children. They were so well-written and vivid and wonderful that I fell for them just as much, in some ways even more so.

It was Callie/Cal, though, that had my heart, from the very first line, to the very last. The struggles, the triumphs, the acts of defiance, of passion, of desperation and of survival was life affirming, and inspiring. What I found most amazing about the story of Callie/Cal was how the struggles were so relatable, so universal, and collectively human. The story, for me, transcended a struggle with gender identity, and became about human identity, and had me remembering my own search of self in my adolescence, my young adulthood, and even now, in my forties. The need to connect, the sometimes confusion of attraction and intimacy, and the struggle to be an authentic “you” is not something specific, nor unique, to either gender, but to all of us.

Biology gives you a brain. Life turns it into a mind.”

From an Audio Book perspective, this book was exceptional. Kristoffer Tabori was by far one of my top favorite audio book narrators/voice actors I have ever experienced. He was the characters, each and every one of them. Not once – at all – was there a disconnect, or a feeling of “oh he is just doing a voice” – no, he was all of them, and his unique voice by character aged uniquely with each, as well. The use of music that was interspersed throughout the novel was effective and evocative. The music helped to shift the story, the time, the location, and the mood of it all, a nice touch, one I had not experienced before this book.

I have not stopped thinking about this book since I finished it about a week past. The characters, the story, and the feelings it surfaced in me, are buzzing and burning in me still. A sure sign of a fantastic read, isn’t it? The kind you never really want to say goodbye to, the kind you never truly want to end.

But in the end it wasn’t up to me. The bigs things never are. Birth, I mean, and death. And love. And what love bequeaths to us before we’re born.”

Begin the Beguine :: Cole Porter & Ella Fitzgerald

In the Pleasure Groove – Love, Death and Duran Duran :: An Audio Book Review

In the Pleasure Groove by John Taylor

In the Pleasure Groove – Love, Death and Duran Duran (2012) by Nigel John Taylor (written with Tom Sykes)
An Audio Book Review
Listen to an excerpt here

This was a fantastic moment for hair color, as the Crazy Color and Manic Panic hair-dye brands had been launched the previous year and had definitely helped us define our look. Simon was no longer a blond, he was now a brunette, which gave an opening for Nick to go all the way blond. Andy trail blazed the black-and-blond two-tone skunk look that Kajagoogoo’s Limahl would popularize, and Roger was adding blue to his black. I set up camp in the Bordeaux/Burgundy corner. I’ve always felt the best haircuts come courtesy of a devoted girlfriend, and Andy would marry Tracey eventually.”

Most people who know me, and nearly everyone who has been in my life since I was an adolescent, knows of my love for Duran Duran. They were not just my teenage dream, first fandom, crush-worthy fascination, their music helped shape my own art, their musical influences helped to widen my own music taste and collection, and in many ways they helped save a shy and lonely girl’s life who was struggling with making sense of her sexuality and sense of self as she tried to survive an abusive upbringing. They were my constant and my aspirations, and in many ways, my hope. And, well, yes, they were hot as hell, but they were also damn good musicians, songwriters, artists and poets.

Since hearing about this book being published I have been curious to read it. I will admit that John was never my favorite (I was a Nick girl) and the two times I actually met him he had not left a positive impression on me. I also was quite certain that all my years of being a fan had left me with all the knowledge and history of the band, and I did wonder what more was left to learn. I still was interested though, and I am glad I persisted and got my hands (and ears) on the audio version – the book not only reawakened my love for the band, but made me realize how very little I actually did know about their history, and also, that my opinions about John Taylor, and what I had perceived about him, were premature and, in many ways, incorrect.

Three things stood out the most to me as I made my through the autobiography. The first thing is that the music that inspired Duran Duran throughout their career makes up many of my favorite singers, bands and sounds, and that when I listen, truly listen, I can hear where one lead to another, from one song to the the one inspired, and how that sound evolved.

Secondly, the work it takes to be clean and sober is staggering to me, and inspiring in itself. Listening to John, himself, recount his history with addiction, and the discipline and constant attention it takes to remain a non-active user, made me also realize that I should probably go back into therapy myself, not due to addiction, but due to so much of my life being so close to addiction. It is not just addicts that need the help recovering.

Lastly, I found myself with a new sense of appreciation for the band from a different point of view. I hear different things in the music now, hear each instrument stand out on its own, and I digest the lyrics with a new insight, too. I find myself listening as if it were the first time, and I am loving the experience of it.

I have not read many biographies, though this has me itching to find another good one to dive into. I enjoyed the personal look into a musician’s life, from childhood through adolescence and into the growing up in the midst of sudden fame. The stories of John’s parents were especially moving, and the last chapter about his father actually had me in tears.

It was a bonus that the Audio Book is voiced by John. It felt indulgent and at times alluring to listen to his voice telling his story. He possesses disarming blend of honest reflection, warmth, humility and self-­deprecating humor. Some of the honesty I am certain is part and parcel to the rehabilitated life, nonetheless it was refreshing, and very humanizing; at times it felt as if I was listening to recalled stories from some of my own friends.

Oh, there was a fourth thing I nearly forgot, I may have developed a bit of a teenage dream crush on the adult John Taylor (sorry, Nick, you were still my first). Hey, you are never too old for teenage dream crushes!

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It was you :: songs and quotes

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Who wants to see life as it is? It’s the three gorgons in one. You look in their faces and turn to stone. Or, is it Pan. You see him and you die — that is, inside you — and have to go on living as a ghost.”

~ Long Day’s Journey Into Night 
by Eugene O’Neill

Into Dust :: Mazzy Star

I could possibly be fading,
or have something more to gain.
I could feel myself growing colder.
I could feel myself under your fate
.”

They spell Alice :: song of the day

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Keep Art Alive :: Art by Jeremy Enecio

And so a secret kiss,
brings madness with the bliss,
and I will think of this,
when I’m dead in my grave.

Set me adrift and I’m lost over there,
and I must be insane,
to go skating on your name,
and by tracing it twice.
I fell through the ice,
of Alice.”

There is comfort in the madness sometimes, the split of sanity that is required to tumble down into those unrequited fantasies. Things about green grass and the want of what is out of reach circle through the inner workings of my mind, coloring in the in-betweens with doubt and jaded regret. This will only turn us into madness, so why do we persist?

Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?;

‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, ‘said the Cat.

‘I don’t much care where – ‘said Alice.

‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.

‘-So long as I get somewhere,’ Alice added as an explanation.”

~ Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland ~ Lewis Carroll

Alice :: Tom Waits