Continuing with my lookback at women in music in the 90’s via the lens of my Lilith Fair memories, today’s song of the day is “I’m a Mess” by The Murmurs. I saw The Murmurs at my first Lilith Fair, at the now gone Irvine Meadows – I still miss you, so many music memories – on one of the small stages outside of the venue’s main stage. I’d been introduced to The Murmurs a year, or two, earlier through two friends I’d met in a My So-Called Life mailing list – oh those early internet days, I miss you, too – both of whom I’d go to my 3rd, and last year, of Lilith Fair with, in San Diego.

“You Suck”, from their 1994 album Murmurs, was an obsession of mine, a mantra really. It made it on more mixtapes than I can count. I had a crush on Leisha Hailey, as I think everyone else did, with her pixie pink hair and guitar and some other magic-like quality that would stand out in movies (All Over Me, one of my forever favorites) and TV (The L-Word).

The Murmurs’ album Blender wouldn’t be released until after that first Lilith experience, but I’d heard some of the songs pre-album, on that small stage. I can’t recall if they played “I’m a Mess” that afternoon, but I do know it is one of my favorite tracks off of Blender, one that I still love, and that still resonates, more than a little.

“I ruin everything,
it’s never enough.
Got a tired alter-ego,
that’s always giving up.
I used to be the girl that everybody loved,
and now I’m just too much –
I’m a mess.”

I felt this song, and the lyrics quoted above, so much in my late 20’s when this song and album came out. Didn’t we all kind of feel this way in our 20’s? Some days I wake up and I still feel it so strongly, especially that tired alter-ego part. I felt like that this morning, before my first cup of coffee and first song played. Singing-a-long to this, and recalling my 20’s, the 90’s, and all that music I fell in love with – well, that and a strong cup of coffee woke me and my tired alter-ego right up.

Now I think I’ll listen to the whole album, and then maybe “You Suck”, on repeat.