Time is a construct. Time isn’t real. It’s never felt this not-real ever before. I think it’s been four weeks since we’ve been in safer at home status, but it may have been five. The days and weeks are beginning to blur.
I sleep badly. Insomnia has been my constant companion since I was four years old. In this new reality, my companion has hunkered down with me in a big way. I spent most of last night tossing and turning, giving up sometimes and watching a 10-minute Quibi episode of “When The Streetlights Go On”. The ’90s setting is comforting, even if the story is dark. I think if I could transport back in time, wake up in 1994, be able to drive to the beach with tunes blasting out of my car’s cassette playing stereo.
They say it could last until Summertime.
I think about concerts I’ve been to and I wonder when I’ll be able to see live music again. I wonder when I’ll be able to take a road trip, go to a movie theater, a bookstore, a record store. I wonder when it will be that I can see my friends, my parents, my brother, and sister-in-law, niece and nephew.
Some things seem to connect better. I don’t know why, but they do. I do enjoy being home to make dinners and be more engaged with the kids. My writing workshop via Zoom seems more engaged and fired up. I feel pulled to write more, even if I don’t have a lot of time with work blowing up the way it has. I’m grateful to be one who still has a job though, so I won’t complain about being busy.
I wonder what life will be like after all this ends.
Will time even matter anymore?
There will still me songs I obsess over. That I know will never change. Today’s Top 5 Music Obsessions are filling up this very early morning, along with a strong cuppa coffee in my hand.
Is it Wednesday? Yes, yes I think it is.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – April 15, 2020
1. “Losing Haringey” by The Clientele
from the album, Strange Geometry (2005)
“It was ferociously hot, and the air quality became so bad that by the evening the noise of nearby trains stuttered in in fits and starts, distorted through the shifting air. As I lay in the cool of my room, I could hear my neighbours discussing the world cup and opening beers in their gardens. On the other side, someone was singing an Arabic prayer through the thin wall. I had no money for the pub so I decided to go for a walk.”
I love the stream-of-conscious that this song is.
I love the phrase “fits and starts”.
Sometimes I write like this, in paper journals, pen ink staining my hands as I bleed out words in some messy meet-up of cursive and printing. Hardly legible when I write like that, but it feels like a release to do it. To dump out everything, significant and nonsense, onto the page.
2. “Adress Unknown” by The Ink Spots
from the album, 4 Of A Kind (1960)
Oh, how could I be so blind?
Who’d think that you would never be hard to find?
From the place of your birth to the ends of the earth,
I’ve searched only to find,
only to find –
I heard this song recently on an episode of “Better Call Saul” and I was reminded of how much I love it. It reminds me of a past middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, on a road trip with my Grandparents. My Grandfather driving the RV and me sneaking up to the passenger seat, in my pajamas, to watch the world go by with him. He’d play songs like this one and we’d talk about things we loved while we kept our eyes open for any sight we might see.
The song also reminds me of a book I’m reading for one of my classes I’m taking online (Representations of Adolescence in Literature) – Endless Love. The character of David is endlessly (pun-intended) searching names and numbers in the phone book trying to find his lost love and her family – both who do not want to be easily found.
3. “Here Comes Your Man” (Demo) by Pixies
from the album, Doolittle 25: B-Sides, Peel Sessions, And Demos (2014)
“I know the nervous walking.
I know the dirty beard hangs.
Out by the box-car waiting,
take me away to nowhere plains.”
From my favorite Pixies album, Doolittle. A demo version of one of my favorite Pixies songs.
It reminds me of my first apartment, and one of the two cats I had that I named Doolittle, after this album.
It reminds me of a different kind of road trip than The Ink Spots memory. Weekend trips to San Francisco, driving all night so we could have as much time as possible in the city. Sleeping on the floors of friends’ apartments, taking buses and the Bart to record stores and bookstores, coffee houses and tiny bars.
Driving the coast back, taking our time and taking in the beauty of the ocean view.
All the music we put on mixtapes to bring along.
So many memories.
4. “Car Song” by Madder Rose
from the album, Panic On (1994)
“I sat out on the grass.
I looked in through the door.
Same as it was before.
So I’ll try to get some sleep.
I’ll try to get some rest.”
What was that I was saying about waking up back in 1994?
This would be the first song I heard as I woke up back in time.
1994. Apartment on Wilshire, just down the street from The Winged Heart Cafe. Hard- wood floors and a clawfoot tub. Friends over at all hours. Music always playing. We didn’t own a TV. I remember borrowing a tiny one to watch some “Elvis is still alive” documentary.
I’m in a memory mood this morning, it seems.
5. “Strange Girl” by Laura Marling
from the album, Song For Our Daughter (2020)
“I love you, my strange girl,
my lonely girl,
my angry girl,
I love you, my strange girl,
my lonely girl,
my angry girl,
I’m in love with Laura Marling’s new album, Song For Our Daughter. “Strange Girl” is my current favorite track, but really, the entire album is incredible.
It has a very Joni Mitchell/Laurel Canyon vibe to it that I’m super addicted to.
This record is definitely my album obsession of the week.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – April 2020