Last night was really rough. Today feels even tougher. I’m having a very hard time right now. I’m trying to remind myself of positive things. That even though I got in a very bad emotional place last night I didn’t self-harm. I should have reached out to someone. Last night though, I felt very alone.
I woke up this morning hoping to feel better, but I’d only had an hour’s sleep and my emotions felt rawer. I’ve spent so much of my life being overly careful with other people’s feelings, overly tuned in to even the smallest fluctuations in other’s moods, and trying (impossibly) hard to keep everyone happy and to achieve some kind of perfection. But none of that ever works.
Now I find myself at a crossroads. A stuck-in-the-middle of people I love situation. And, I have to decide what to do. I need time to think. Space to think. Both things are almost impossible because people need me so much of the time. All the time, really. But, I’m going to have to find a way to carve it out and take the time and space for myself. I don’t want to make decisions rashly or regret them. I can be emotionally impulsive, especially when hurt, so I’m trying to breathe and think and decide. Truth is, though, I’m so sad and hurt right now it’s hard to breathe or think or decide anything.
So for now. Right now. I’m going to listen to music, music I love and that has good memories attached to it, and try to get through the day.
That’s all I can do really. Take care of myself, lean on myself because I’m in this alone right now, and let the music help me. Breathe. Think. Breathe. Think. And get to the point where I can decide what I need to do.
Turn up the volume and get through the day.
Today’s Song of the Day is “Only You” by Yaz, from their 1982 album, Upstairs at Eric’s. It features the gorgeously soulful voice of Alison Moyet – one of my favorite voices from the ’80s (also one of the voices I can sing-a-long to easily, since I have more of an alto voice, and so does she).
Yaz and Alison’s melancholic love song, “Only You” continues August’s Song of the Day theme of Women in Music from the ’80s.
“Only You” by Yaz
from the album, Upstairs at Eric’s (1982)
Song of the Day
Women in Music from the ’80s
“All I needed was the love you gave.
All I needed for another day.
And, all I ever knew,
“Only You” was written by Vince Clarke. He wrote it while with Depeche Mode but recorded it in 1982 after forming the duo Yazoo with Alison Moyet.
It was released as Yazoo’s first single on March 15, 1982, in the UK, and became an instant success on the UK Singles Chart, peaking at #2. It would also reach the Top 10 in neighboring Ireland as well as Australia.
In the US, “Only You” was released as the band’s second single in November of 1982 and charted at #67 on the Billboard Hot 100. It also made the US Adult Contemporary chart, at #38. (from Wikipedia)
I owned the album Upstairs at Eric’s first on vinyl, then on cassette (a few times), and later on CD. It was one of my favorite albums in the early ’80s, and later, in the late ‘ 80s/early ’90s, I got obsessed with it again – especially after dancing to some of its tracks (specifically “Situation”, “Don’t Go”, and “Goodbye Seventies”) at underground clubs, in Hollywood.
Those dance-tracks aside, though, it was always “Only You” and “Winter Kills” that had me madly in love with the album, Yaz, and Alison Moyet’s incredible voice.
“Only You” (live) by Yaz