August 1. First days are my favorite, and today started out so promising. I woke early, had time to meditate, got to spend time with two of my kids, registered my youngest, my son, for his sophomore year of high school, laughed a lot, and felt just all over hopeful, and good.
The day took a turn. I felt my anxiety kick into high gear, and my emotions get tangly and rough. I’m tired of financial stress and of so much negativity. So I asked for what I wanted. Said I didn’t want a fight. I took some time to breathe, turned the music up high, kept in the moment, allowing all my feelings to swirl and churn and be valid. Then I let them go. I opened the window and sent them on their way, pulling over to the side of the road below where the Getty Museum is. My thought at that moment? It wasn’t anger or sadness or anxiety, it was a wishing to go visit that museum and making an internal note that I’m going to soon.
Then I went into strategy making mind. I’m better when I have a problem clearly in front of me to deal with, and I’m better if responsibility is on me and no one else. So I shifted it. Took it into myself, and made plans to solve some of the issues at hand, and I felt better. I still feel better. I feel proud of how I reacted and dealt with things, too.
The universe is already turning the day around. I’m helping turn it around, too. I got some good news at work, it’s my coworker/friend’s birthday, I’m listening to The Bangles Different Light album (a favorite), and I’m making a list of things to do this month. And I’m here, right now, writing (and being very grateful I have therapy tomorrow).
August 1. First days are my favorite. I’m not letting this one turn into less than that. No way.
“If She Knew What She Wants” by The Bangles
from the album, Different Light (1986)
“I’d say her values are corrupted,
but she’s open to change.
Then one day she’s satisfied,
and the next I’ll find her crying,
and it’s nothing she can explain.”
I love The Bangles. So much.
Back in the mid-to-late 80’s they were everything to me. I memorized and sang-a-long to all their songs, I looked to them as style icons, and an inspiration, to the dream girl band I wanted to be in someday. I wanted to be Michael Steele. I mean, how cool was she? I wanted to be a Bangle.
This song. Today more than ever before I feel this song deeply, understanding the conflict and confusion, and most likely utter frustration to be with, love, or try to love, someone who doesn’t know themselves, someone who doesn’t know what they want, and someone whose emotions are distorted and changeable and hard to hold on to, or define.
I feel like that’s been me, pretty much all my life.
Thing is, I want to know, and I want to be able to hang on to and define my emotions. But it is often so hard.
Music. Writing. Breathing. It all helps. I’ll get there someday (and not the “never happen someday” kind of someday, like the someday dreams/plans of being in a girl band were).
“If She Knew What She Wants (live)” by The Bangles
“If She Knew What She Wants” was written by Jules Shear, and was originally recorded and released on his 1985 album, The Eternal Return. His version is essentially a love song, written in the third person. The Bangles rewrote the lyrics when they covered the tune the following year, changing them to the third person.
“If She Knew What She Wants” by Jules Shear
The Bangles recorded and released the song, in 1986, on Different Light. Their version is a call/ response rendition with Susanna Hoffs on main vocals. It became a Top 40 hit.
Today’s Song of the Day, featuring The Bangles, is the first in a month celebrating Women In Music from the ’80s. I will be featuring a new one every day for the Song of the Day. Stay tuned to see if your favorites are featured. Comment or email me with your favorites that you’d like to see featured, as well.