The first of June’s Top 5 Music Obsessions is a mix of old and new, featuring two new tracks released this week that I can’t get enough of, a song by one of my favorite women of the ’90s (on theme), one of my favorites from my teenage years in the ’80s, and a sad and beautiful song that breaks my heart as much as it soothes it. Those are the best kinds sometimes, don’t you think?
I’m having a really hard time right now. So many people are struggling right now. I feel selfish complaining, and I find it hard to ask for help, or to speak on how I’m feeling at all. I’m grateful for those people in my life who are there for me, who remind me that I matter, and who don’t turn away or get upset if I’m not doing well. I don’t know what I’d do without them. It’s hard though, I feel alone and lonely, and I feel myself retreating inward, putting up walls and shuttering up my feelings. My writing has suffered for it, I’ve suffered for it, too. I need to make some big changes that will take a lot out of me, but something has to give. I can’t be this unhappy all the time. It isn’t good for anyone. It isn’t good for me.
Small changes first though. I am giving myself the time to breathe and plan and sort it all so I minimize regrets and curb my flight/run away fast knee-jerk reactions. Spontaneity and rashness are not always the right choice. So those small choices. Re-connecting with my writing, here and with my novel. Re-connecting with friends and mending things where they need mending, forgiving where forgiveness is needed, apologizing where apologies are needed, and that goes for me, too. I need to find her. The me in me again.
Enough of all that sad. Let’s turn up the music and celebrate a “first” day. A new beginning. The start of June.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – Saturday, June 1, 2019
1. “Hurry On Home” by Sleater-Kinney
Single release – 2019
“You know I’m unfuckable.
But just hurry on home to me.
I’ve made more space for you.”
Produced by Annie Clark, also known as St. Vincent. Danceable and all those things above that say un. No, this track is all of those things. I’d fuck it, love it, listen to it, dance with it, and then do it all over again. Wouldn’t you?
I can’t wait to hear the full album.
2. “Some Jingle Jangle Morning” by Mary Lou Lord
from the album, Lights Are Changing (1998)
“Somewhere it all got crazy,
and now it’s like a dream,
and I knew that I blew it from the start.
I was too freaked out to deal with it all.
And too fucked up to care.
I stood right there and watched it fall apart.”
One of my favorites from the ’90s. I felt every word of that.
Of all the things I seem to do right, relationships aren’t one of them.
3. “Calm Down” by Pete Yorn
Single Release – 2019
“I wish I knew then what I know now.”
It’s always a better day when a new Pete Yorn song comes into my life. His music has always got me, and gotten to me, soothing the parts of me that feel broken, gifting me hope and inspiration.
“Calm Down” is no exception. I’m feeling so lost and so full of regrets, beating myself up for mistakes and for being me. But, I don’t have a time machine. I didn’t know then what I know now. All I can do is breathe, and yeah, “Calm Down”. As always, thanks, Pete.
4. “Medicine” by Daughter
from the album, Wild Youth (2012)
“You’ve got a warm heart.
You’ve got a beautiful brain.
But, it’s disintegrating.”
Such a heartbreaking song. Such a beautiful song. It feels so relevant right now that it hurts to listen to, but I keep listening. It makes me feel less alone.
5. “So In Love” by Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
from the album, Crush (1985)
“Talk to me,
don’t lie to me,
save your breath.
Don’t look at me,
don’t smile at me,
just close your eyes.”
My favorite OMD song. This one takes me back to 1985 with the very first notes. I’m transported. A slide show of memories. A school dance in a church basement. The backseat of a friend’s car. The beach on a late Summer afternoon. The light blue walls (mostly covered in posters). Taping songs off the radio. My best friends.