Drinking too much coffee and crying too much. Words are hard today. Trying to write, but I’m tired of writing about not feeling okay. Not being okay. So, I’m going to write about music (and a little bit of TV) today instead.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – Tuesday, December 11, 2018
1. “If I Go, I’m Goin'” by Gregory Alan Isakov
from the album, This Empty Northern Hemisphere (2009)
she’s holding secrets,
I got my change behind the bed,
in a coffee can.
I throw my nickels in,
just in case I have to leave.”
This song, and those final moments of “The Haunting of Hill House”, I can’t seem to shake.
I’ve written some about what this Series meant to me. How hard it was to watch, at first. How personal, and painful. And, I’ve mentioned the ending. How I loved it. It’s more than that, though. The ending. I needed it. After so much trauma and hurt and past pain, mixed with current pain and hurting, I’ve started to lose my hopefulness. It’s like someone has ripped it out of me, or I’ve ripped it out. I needed to see some hope. Badly.
I play this song, again and again, and it brings back slivers of that hope. I want to wrap it around me. I want to use it as glue to put my hopefulness back together with, and stick it more permanently to me.
“If I Go, I’m Goin” (live) by Gregory Alan Isakov
2. “Crossed Out Name” by Ryan Adams and the Cardinals
from the album, Cardinology (2008)
“I wish I could tell you just how I’m hurt.
Pinpoint the location,
it’s in another universe.
When I close my eyes,
I see a fire so plain,
and my crossed-out name.”
Some days certain songs are comforts, some are good distractions, and some hurt like I’m hurting, at the time.
The song above, from Gregory Alan Isakov, reminded me of “This House Is Not For Sale” by Ryan Adams when I first heard it in the finale of “The Haunting of Hill House”. This song, from 2008’s album Cardinology, feels a lot like how I’m feeling right now.
It would be nice if I could pinpoint the feelings, and the hurt I feel right now. But, its so muddled and foggy, I feel lost in it.
“Crossed-Out Name” (live) by Ryan Adams
3. “Darlin'” by Houndmouth
from the album, Little Neon Limelight (2015)
Why don’t you sleep at night?”
Me and insomnia we go way back.
Since I was four years old. There are reasons for the year, for the start, and for the history. Funny, no matter how much I know about the source of it, it still persists. Last night was another bout, a worse one then I’ve had in years. I’m feeling the no-sleep hangover today. It feels like exposed nerves and trigger-happy tears.
“Darlin'” (live) by Houndmouth
4. “You are Not Alone” by Mavis Staples
from the album, You Are Not Alone (2010)
“A broken home.
A broken heart.
Isolated and afraid.
Open up this is a raid.
I wanna get it through to you,
you’re not alone.”
Another Discovery Weekly introduction.
Though of course, I know Mavis Staples and her music, I’d never heard this song, nor the album with the same name.
I love the Americana feel to the song, or maybe this is indie blues, too (still making it a thing). The album was released in 2010. It won the Grammy Award for Best Americana Album at the 53rd annual Grammy Awards, in 2010.
5. “Begin” by Ben Lee
from the album, Awake Is the New Sleep (2005)
“I’m still singing.
Twisting new melodies,
Thinking about my heart.
I guess you’ve heard,
sometimes it’s heavy.”
I forgot how much I love this song, and the album, Awake Is the New Sleep.
I’ve been a fan of Ben’s music since the late 90’s, and his first two albums, Grandpaw Would, and Something to Remember Me By. Awake Is the New Sleep is another favorite of mine. A nod to insomnia in the title is how I’ve always taken it. I used to have a tee shirt I slept (or tried to sleep) in that said Awake Is the New Sleep. My insomnia uniform I used to call it.
This track, “Gamble Everything For Love”, and “Ache For You”, are my favorite tracks on this album.
“Begin” (live) by Ben Lee
Top 5 Music Obsessions – Week of December 10, 2018