Today is harder than I expected. Rougher in ways I hoped it wouldn’t be. I woke up hoping that things would start feeling better. That hopeless hopeful person I am rearing her naive head. But it feels the same, or maybe a little worse. Maybe this is how things are now. The new normal. Maybe I need to just learn to live with things this way. Maybe I am just overreactive and overemotional, wanting and needing too much. I don’t know anymore.
I’ve always believed in tomorrow. In fresh starts. In new chances. In realistic happy-ever-afters. I think its why I used to like Mondays, and why I’ve always loved first days of the month, and year. The power of the blank page, of a new day to make things better, a chance at hope. I always believed that love is the most important thing. That it endures. That it is enough. That it can make everything better. That everything else – money, jobs, school, loss, disappointment, the future – that all of it can be traversed, and survived if love is there to hold on to. I think that’s just another example of me being naive.
Maybe its time to say goodbye to my optimism. Maybe its time to face the reality of life. Maybe I can’t be the person I’ve been anymore. Maybe that’s why writing, and music, is so hard on me now. Maybe that’s why just being me is so hard now.
I’m trying though, to at least write and try to take in music, listen to it, and maybe hang on to it a little. Music has always been my buoy, my muse, and my lifeline…and in some ways…my life. I don’t want to lose everything that is me. I don’t want to lose being hopeful, even if I know I should.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – Tuesday, November 19, 2018
1. “The Needle and the Damage Done” by Laura Marling
from the single to “Blues Run the Game” (2010)
“I’ve seen the needle and the damage done,
a little part of it in everyone,
but every junkie’s like a settin’ sun.”
I’ve been digging into Neil Young’s music for a few months now and indulging my ears in some of the cover versions out there. This is a tough song for me, as there’s been a lot of loss I’ve seen and felt and lived through because of needles and the damage they’ve done. But, this is a beautiful, albeit sad, version.
2. “When Doves Cry” by Patti Smith
from the album, Land (1975-2002) (2002)
“Why must we scream at each other?
This is what it sounds like when doves cry.”
Another cover. An unusual cover, also beautiful, and sad. This song hits harder today than the original, or any other version I’ve heard before.
3. “I’ll Be Around” by Yo La Tengo
from the album, Fade (2013)
“When I stare into space,
I’m looking for you,
and, I can see you,
I’ve been listening to this album all afternoon, since late morning. Since he sent this to me earlier today. This is my favorite track on the album.
4. “Always On My Mind” by Bahamas
from the album, Sweetheart 2014 (2014)
“Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.
But, you were always on my mind.”
This cover version makes me cry every time I hear it. Especially today.
5. “Always Remember Us This Way” by Lady Gaga
from the soundtrack album to A Star Is Born (2018)
“When I’m all choked up,
but I can’t find the words.
Every time we say goodbye,
baby, it hurts.
When the sun goes down,
and the band won’t play,
I’ll always remember us this way.”
Still loving the film, and the movie from it. This, and “Shallow”, are my favorites from it. Something about Gaga’s performance of this song in the film reminds me of early Elton John. Beautiful song.