Sometimes the blank white space of a blog entry is overwhelming. I usually have so much to say and have to pull words back as to not turn a simple entry into a novel. But, today I’m struggling with words. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep. Or, maybe it’s because I can’t seem to sort through my thoughts and feelings. I feel really lost today. I don’t understand why love is becoming so hard. How can two people love each other, and yet have such a hard time with each other? Silly question, I suppose. Love doesn’t make everything okay or make everything work. I know that in some ways more than most. And maybe it’s me. I certainly have a lousy track record with relationships.
Maybe it’s my naivete. I see too much and carry way too much hope around. I see the potential, but not always the reality. And, as many people have told me all my life, I’m too sensitive. It’s why those walls all went up throughout my life. I needed them to cover up all the stupid, soft, sensitive parts of me that dreamed up what love was. But, those were the dreams of a young girl who lived too much in record albums and book pages. The girl who longed for a partner who saw the world as an adventure, full of promise and good things, who felt music the same way, and who could see joy in the worst of days. I lived through so many worst days, yet still kept seeing joy, even if I had to squint my eyes, blur my vision, or turn up the volume until the music took me over.
But, today I feel lost and joyless and very much not enough. I feel like I’m failing in a huge way. And, I feel really, really sad. Maybe if I turn the music up a little higher I can find the joy in today. I’m trying. I’m really, really trying.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – Wednesday, September 5, 2018
1. “Love My Way” by Rogue Wave
from the EP, Cover Me (2017)
“Swallow all your tears my love,
and put on your new face.
You can never win or lose,
if you don’t run the race.”
A different take on The Psychedelic Furs hit. It feels poppier, and yet in the “happy” sound there is also a bittersweet sentiment weaved in. I think it comes from the vocals. Its an interesting juxtaposition of feeling.
Though I prefer the original, this is interesting. I feel like it belongs in a movie, or TV scene. There is something cinematic about it.
2. “24 Frames” by Jason Isbell
from the album, Something More Than Free (2015)
“You thought God was an architect,
now you know.
He’s something like a pipe bomb ready to blow.
And everything you built,
that’s all for show,
goes up in flames.”
A favorite from his live show this past Friday. I’m feeling this song so much today. I think I’ve played it at least a dozen times this morning.
3. “Fast Train” by Solomon Burke
from the album, Don’t Give Up On Me (2002)
“And you keep moving on to the sound of the wheels.
And deep inside your heart do you really know oh, how you feel.
And you start breaking down and go into the pain.
Keep on moving on a fast train.”
I found this track in this week’s Spotify Discover Weekly. I’m sure I’ve heard it before, on the Don’t Give Up On Me album, but I’d forgotten it.
It fits well after “24 Frames”. I’ve hit play about a dozen times on this song today, too.
And no, though I’ve heard all the raves, I’ve yet to see “The Wire”. Maybe someday.
4. “Don’t Lose Your Good Thing” by Etta James
from the album, Tell Mama: The Complete Muscle Shoals Sessions (1968)
I tried to please you.
Oh, in everything I do.
‘Cause I want you.”
Oh Etta. I love Etta. Thanks for this song today.
5. “Ordinary World” by Duran Duran
from the album, Duran Duran (The Wedding Album) (1993)
“Passion or coincidence,
once prompted you to say,
“pride will tear us both apart”.
Well, now pride’s gone out the window,
cross the rooftops,
Left me in the vacuum of my heart.”
The Duran Duran love never really goes away.
This track came on via one of the Spotify Daily Mixes. I was driving to work. The sun was barely cutting through the haze or fog. I’m not sure which. It made me cry, even though the song keeps saying “I don’t cry for yesterday.”
Top 5 Music Obsessions – Week of September 3, 2018