Me and Tuesday are trying to make this a better day. The rough ones are taking a heavy toll on me, and I’m feeling the weight of it. I don’t like how it is making me feel, nor do I want to carry it around like a sack of rocks meant to sink me into the proverbial river. So many things keep changing, some for the better, and some not so much. I’m missing things that I don’t feel I have can say I miss. I feel lost in some of the changes. I feel like we’ve lost something I don’t know how to get back. And maybe it’s not supposed to come back. Maybe this is evolving. Maybe this is what was always going to happen.
I think I’ll feel better when the boxes are unpacked. I think I’ll feel better when I can learn the patterns of things, the way things are going to be now with us. I think I’ll feel better when I can let go of some of the expectations of things that we lost when we moved forward. I think I’ll feel better when there are fewer misunderstandings, and more understanding and patience with each other – coming from both of us. I know this is all an adjustment period.
As we say goodbye to July, and goodbye to who we were at the start, I want to remember a little bit of our history. Those first words. Those first songs we traded. The hug in front of Rudy’s. Our first kiss inside. Sitting in the park until midnight, talking and kissing. All those nights in the room above the garage, entwined, trading albums, trading words, trading no words at all. All that connecting we did so easily. I wish I could watch it all like a movie. I wish I could go back and re-live a few of those moments. Together.
I know we are forever, and I know that this is a big love. I know we can make this work.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – Monday, June 31, 2018
1. “Harvest Moon” by Jane Birkin
“But there’s a full moon rising,
let’s go dancing in the light.
We know where the music’s playing,
let’s go out and feel the night.”
I love Jane’s cover of this Neil Young classic.
I was never a fan, but somehow he helped to turn me into one. Those songs, and albums, of Neil’s playing late into the night, in that room where we first made love. How could I not end up a fan?
We are music. To me, we are always music.
2. “Iguana Bird” by Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson
“Time overwhelms you,
let it get away.
The life you had imagined just slipped away
Time and life have been overwhelming lately, but I hope it doesn’t all slip away. I know I’m not letting go.
3. “Hold On Hope” by Guided By Voices
“Everybody’s gotta hold on hope.
It’s the last thing that’s holding me.”
I’m holding on tight to hope. I wish I could share it, gift it, kiss it into his head, and his heart. Wrap us both up in hope. And love.
4. “Sam’s Town” (live from Abbey Road) by The Killers
“I’ve got this energy beneath my feet,
like something underground’s gonna come up and carry me.
I’ve got this sentimental heart that beats,
but I don’t really mind that it’s starting to get to me.”
I’m still feeling so worn out and drained, but I’m trying to harness that energy back. I think we both need it from me.
5. “Straight to You” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
“This is the time that I’ll come running,
straight to you.
For I am captured,
straight to you,
For I am captured
one more time.”
I will always want to be with you. I will always want to return home every night straight to you.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – Week of July 30, 2018