Today’s Song of the Day, “On Melancholy Hill” by Gorillaz, came on randomly this morning on my ride into work. The sky was bluer than expected, the air warm already but not yet a cloying Summer heat. Together it all felt pretty good for a Monday, despite the air of melancholy that started last night. I’m still adjusting to the low moods, especially when they dip down in what seems to be as unexpected. But, I think I’m learning as we go, and I’m trying to be patient, understanding, and loving. I’m trying hard to not take it personally.
Sometimes its hard though, especially when I feel so happy to be where we are together, and especially when I can see so many things that are good in our new shared life. I know that I see the world differently though, and I try to remember that. That’s part of the patience and understanding and love, that remembering, and the shift in my expectations. I know the tiny joys I find in a day do not impact him in the same way, no matter how much I wish they did. I wish I could transfuse some of my joy into him, like blood. I wish I could be a happiness doner.
“On Melancholy Hill” by Gorillaz
from the album, Plastic Beach (2010)
Song of the Day
“Well, you can’t get what you want,
but you can get me,
so let’s set out to sea.
‘Cause you are my medicine,
when you’re close to me,
when you’re close to me.”
This morning it feels tough, but I’m trying to push through it. It’s hard to put love and silliness and a tiny joy out there and get what feels like distance back. I end up feeling self-conscious right off the bat, as I feel myself withdraw. To be honest, it stings a bit. Its hard to have to tell myself what I may need right now have to wait.
I know what it feels like when we connect when we get there together. I know how amazing that feels, and how much of “us” is there then. I remind myself of that this morning. I remind myself to be patient and understanding. I don’t have to remind myself on the loving though because my love for him is always there.