I felt hungover the next day, but without the help, or harm, of any substances besides coffee and over-thinking. I was still not sure what to do. I knew what I wanted to do. My phone in hand, I wondered if it was too early to text him. I owed him songs. I owed myself an answer. But, here’s the thing. Honestly, I don’t think there was ever really a question. No matter what my fear and doubts said, I knew from the first conversations, maybe even at “first sight”, that I was never going to want to walk away.

Songs. What would I send? I took time deciding. I’m usually one to go with the first song that comes into my head when deciding what to write on, or put into a playlist. But this…this was different. The songs he’d sent moved me so intensely that I did not want to respond lightly, or without thought. Looking back, my choices were so deliberate. But how could they not be? They were going to be speaking for me.

So, I went with these two:

“Sunday Morning” by Amanaz

“Come On Over (Turn Me On)” by Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan

The first was meant to impress. Though its embarrassing to admit, I’m trying to keep this as authentic and real to our story (at least from my perspective) as possible. I’d discovered Amanaz at the start of the year, thanks to a discovery playlist from Spotify. I’d fallen hard for their track “Khala My Friend“, and had recently gotten obsessed by their track “Sunday Morning”. I wanted him to hear it. And yes, I wanted him to be impressed. His music taste had already blown me away. I wanted him to feel the same way.

The second, well if I wasn’t embarrassed enough. Uh yeah, it was meant as a sonic seduction. Not that I was ready for him to come over right then and there (or was I?), but Isobel and Mark’s duet is passionate and sensual, a little dark and dreamy and gorgeous, and it just felt right. I mean, press play below. Don’t you agree?

“Come On Over (Turn Me On)” by Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan

“Is it any wonder,
is it any wonder,
I lay awake all night?
Is it any wonder,
on a Sunday soon,
I see the light.”

Next came a whir of texts between us. And more songs. So many more songs. Every time my phone chimed I felt those proverbial butterflies flapping their multi-colored wings in my stomach. It was as if someone had turned me into a lovestruck teenager, who at the same time was old enough to know what I want. All those fears and doubts? They took a backseat. Way far back.

He asked me to dinner. I had family obligations and was between paychecks broke, so I pushed for the following week. A Friday. Even as I typed it, it seemed so far away. Time is something that was strange and surreal to us. It still is.

In reality, I wanted to see him every time that chime went off notifying me that words and/or music – from him – was waiting for me.

I had already fallen.