Conversation is a lost art form. Maybe its due to the advent of texting and social media, apps, and insta-everythings. We’ve all become accustomed to short spurts of words, often abbreviated, emoticon-ed, and empty. Although the first days of knowing each other were within the construct of phone screens and text messages, not a second of it was empty. We started everything with conversation. And music. So much music.
His first words, though I no longer have them to quote, mentioned music, and asked direct questions were not empty, or anything that could be construed as small talk. Beyond the words, or perhaps between them, there was kindness and warmth. Just as I’d seen in his eyes. I hardly hesitated to think of what I wanted to say before I responded, and then the conversation began.
Oh, and T-Rex? I’d listed “Cosmic Dancer” as my anthem because COSMIC DANCER. I always related to the feeling conveyed that music had been with me since I was twelve since I was young since I was just being born. There’s melancholy in the song, vulnerability, fear, but there’s also hope and a love of music – all of it I’ve always felt, and just understood.
He mentioned the song early in our conversation. A shared connection already. Though honestly, I think we felt connected even before we started talking. Maybe that’s just how I see it, but I really believe we did.
Those first day exchanges were traded back-and-forth throughout the afternoon. I felt immediately comfortable, something that is not common for me. Anxiety typically sits over me, especially in early conversations, making me feel nervous, self-critical, and restrained. I didn’t feel any of that. I felt like I could tell him anything.
Music was weaved into almost everything we talked about. At one point he asked if something he said about music was “small talk” and I said, “music is never small talk.” I remember thinking we aren’t either. From the start we were CONVERSATION. A conversation that a part of me realized (or hoped) was never going to end.
When I had to leave work, drive, go visit my mother, I didn’t want to stop talking.
“Cosmic Dancer” by T-Rex
I asked him to send me a song.
What he sent wasn’t this one. I’ll save what song, or songs, those were for next time. But, “Cosmic Dancer” was still a part of our first conversation. The song was always part of the soundtrack of me, and now, it is part of the soundtrack of us.
“Cosmic Dancer” (live) by T-Rex
“Is it strange to dance so soon?”
He already had a hold of my heart.
As strange and soon as that may seem, he did.