Monday, Monday, here we are again, but this time a little bit different. Today is a bank holiday. A no work and no school holiday. Memorial Day, a holiday for memories, and here I am over here trying so hard not to remember any of it. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that we’re done, that he’s really gone, and that all those plans – spoken and unspoken – are nothing now.
I keep waiting for some clarity, for some understanding, maybe even for some anger to surface, but all I feel, honestly, is sad. I miss us. I miss him.
But, I’m trying. Fucking hell, I’m really trying. I did the cliche, stereotypical “chop all your hair off post-break-up” thing (it looks pretty good though if I do say so myself). I went and saw friends, the kind who really know me, love me, and get me. The kind who don’t expect me to be okay right now, because I’m a universe away from okay. I’ve even started making some of my own plans, visits from friends, shows, maybe even a road trip. It hurts, but I know I have to go on alone.
Oh, and I’m writing again. Really writing. I put it all aside because of us (my choice), and its time to start creating again beyond this space. I’m looking forward to diving back into the story and characters of my novel, and maybe even finish it this time.
So, right now, on this holiday of memories, I’m going to turn the music up loud enough to upset my cranky neighbors, dance around my living room, and try to be a little bit more okay than yesterday. Sounds like time for some Top 5 Music Obsessions, doesn’t it? I think so, too.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – May 28, 2018
Listen on Spotify and YouTube
1. “Forget That Day” by The Go-Go’s
“Why’d you say you loved me,
that day, that day,
when you knew you wouldn’t have me on,
this day, this day.
Now you’re fine,
I’m not okay.
And, I can only stay away.”
Sunday night I binge-listened to The Go-Go’s. My favorite, though not the “favorite” of most fans, is Talk Show. I think it came around at a time when I was so into girl groups that I embraced it far more than the two previous albums (though I dig all of them really). While listening to Talk Show this song came on and it just fit exactly how I’m feeling. Fits especially on this holiday of memories with me here trying to forget that day you said we were through.
2. “If There’s a Heaven Above” by Love And Rockets
“If there’s a heaven above, in the meantime.
If there’s a heaven above, let it be near.
If there’s a heaven above, in the meantime,
then let it be near, let it be near to me.”
Oh my stars, I love this song.
3. “Solsbury Hill” by Peter Gabriel
“Climbing up on Solsbury Hill,
I could see the city light,
wind was blowing, time stood still.”
This song reminds me of childhood stories and dreams. It reminds me of reading books by flashlight, way past bedtime, when I was a child.
4. “Ordinary World” by Duran Duran
“What is happening to me?
Crazy some may say.
Where is my friend when I need you most?
A friend told me to listen to Duran Duran and get dreamy again. The first song I heard was this one, and all it did was make me cry. Maybe I’m not yet ready to be dreamy.
5. “Elastic Heart” by Sia
“And another one bites the dust.
But why can I not conquer love?
And I might’ve got to be with one.
Why not fight this war without weapons?
And I want it and I wanted it bad,
But there were so many red flags.
Now another one bites the dust.
And let’s be clear, I trust no one.”
But, I did trust. More than I ever had before. I trusted completely. I’m not sure I will ever be able to again.
Top 5 Music Obsessions – Week of May 28, 2018
Thank you for the music Go-Go’s, Love And Rockets, Peter Gabriel, Duran Duran, and Sia. Hope you enjoy today’s Top 5 Music Obsessions along with me.