Back at work. Its a lot harder to be here than I anticipated. Some things are nagging at me that I can’t shake off, questions that I can’t let go of, and I’m still a wreck. But, I’m trying to concentrate. I’m trying to stay focused. I’m trying not to cry. I’m relying heavily on coffee and music right now. I haven’t been able to eat pretty much anything since it happened. But, coffee and music, that I can do.

Top 5 Music Obsessions featuring Paul Weller
May 22, 2018

1. “So Sad About Us” by The Jam

“Apologies mean nothing when the damage is done,
but you can’t switch off my loving,
like you can’t switch off the sun.”

I can’t switch it all off. I can’t stop feeling, loving, caring, hurting. I still can’t make sense of any of this.

2. “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Prince

“But nothing,
I said nothing can take away these blues.
‘Cause nothing compares,
nothing compares to you.”

I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t seem to get myself to do much of anything. It’s so fucking ridiculous because I’ve been through many things, painful things, and have always been able to bounce back quickly. This is different. I just can’t.

3. “Like a Fool” by Keira Knightley

“You have taken all the wind out from my sails,
and I have loved you just the same.”

Yes. Just like a fool.

4. “Roses” by Pete Yorn

“When the jasmine bloomed on Sunset Boulevard,
and we fell in love for the first time.”

It was over a year and a half ago, but it seems like yesterday. I’d give anything to go back to that night right now. Do it all over again. Figure out what the hell went wrong.

5. “I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself” by The White Stripes

“I don’t know what to do with myself.
Planning everything for two,
doing everything with you,
and now that were through –
I just don’t know what to do.”

This is so hard.

Thanks for listening. Thank you to The Jam, Prince, Keira Knightley, Pete Yorn, and The White Stripes for sticking this out with me.