Our first week together we went to see Midge Ure play. To me, it was then, the show, the hotel with “our view” of Los Angeles, and lunch the next day at El Coyote (which would become one of “our places”) that I started to fall. I remember thinking that we just fit. As the months went by we fit more and more, and I vividly remember when I knew I was in love with him. I also vividly remember the first time he told me he loved me. I never doubted us. I never over-thought. I truly believed that we’d found that thing that would last.
I will never forget that Midge Ure show. Starting to fall on Sunset Boulevard. Dancing by the bar at the Roxy and singing-a-long to this song. Together.
I woke up this morning at 4am. I’d actually slept about two hours. Finally. First sleep in four days. I sat up and for a moment forgot. Again.
Driving to work was rough. Being in my car is so hard now. Those last moments, his words of finality. Unexpected. So fucking unexpected. Driving back home numb. This morning I wasn’t numb. On the contrary, my emotions were on high. They still are. It’s hard to be back to work. It’s so hard to try to function right now.
His silence is deafening.
I turn on Spotify and hit shuffle and “Dancing With Tears In My Eyes” comes on. All those memories flood back. Fast and hard. I’m glad I have an office, with a door that closes.
“Dancing With Tears In My Eyes” by Ultravox
from the Album, Lament (1984)
“Dancing with tears in my eyes.
Living out a memory of a love that died.”
“Dancing With Tears In My Eyes” was the second single released from Ultravox’s seventh studio album, Lament, released in 1984. The single reached #3 on the UK Singles Chart, and reached the top 10 in several European countries. It also entered the Australian and Canadian Top 75, but never did chart in the U.S. (from Wikipedia)
“Dancing With Tears In My Eyes” (live, 1984) by Ultravox
The song was released in 1984, a time when anxiety over nuclear war was at a peak. The song describes the terror a nuclear war would bring, describing the last day on earth after the bomb. The narrator hears the news that “It’s Over” and drives home to be with his lover.