“Sick of Myself” is the opening Track from my Favorite Matthew Sweet Album, 1995’s 100% Fun. Though it is usually 1991’s Girlfriend that gets the most attention and applause, it is 100% Fun that initially got me into Matthew Sweet’s Music, and later led me back to Girlfriend, and forwards to every subsequent album since 1995.
The single “Sick of Myself” reached #2 on the Billboard Modern Rock chart and appeared on the top 100 pop song charts of the day (from Wikipedia).
This ode to a crush so big it has you sick of yourself from all the feelings and pinings and wantings, “Sick of Myself” brings me back to being twenty-six, working at Tower Records, and having my own set of crushes, and reasons to be sick of myself – both good, and bad.
“Sick of Myself” by Matthew Sweet
from the album, 100% Fun (1995)
Twenty-six for me marked my time at Tower Records, my attempts at being a little bit reckless, the fear and insecurity that eventually took the wheel, and the initial interactions with a boy who was going through his own battles at growing-up, and who would become many things to me in my life. 1995, the year of this Song’s release, we would have our first break-up, our first make-up, and the first emotional push and pull that would later become a pattern between us; but that year, it was all new experiences and fresh starts, with no recognizable warnings in sight. Matthew Sweet’s Album 100% Fun, and this Song, with its power-pop sounds and sensibilities, and emotional punch, all-over-the-map mood swinging lyrics, fit that year of my life perfectly, and still hold-up listening to it today.
“Sick of Myself” felt more hopeful at the time I first listened to it, like finding that right person would make it all better and that I would not be so sick of myself anymore. Funny how the way a song sounds, and feels, changes as you change. I don’t hear it that way so much anymore. But, at the time, in 1995, it was hopeful, bright and shiny, and reflected to me the love I thought I’d found. Here are a few words I wrote about the Song, and that so-called love, back in 1995 (lyric snippet included):
“I’m all used up.
I’m out of luck.
I am starstruck,
by something in your eyes that is keeping my hope alive.”
You had this way about you that was like a bright explosion in the sky, showering light and color streaks all around me, and over me, lighting everything up. I had been kept in the dark for too long, shadows surrounding me and deconstructing me into ash, until you pulled me out into the sun. You seemed like a big, bright ray of hope to me.