“I’ll say it loud here by your grave
those angels can’t ever
take my place.”

Audrey
by me

I still remember the day you left me
bleeding out of me
leaving me
shivering on cold metal
flimsy paper gowns
protecting nothing
just like I could never protect you

The television was blaring
the laugh track looping on
echoing loudly down the stairs
I called for help
dialing my mother
before nine-one-one
she whispered destiny
through the crackling distant lines

I prayed to a god I never believed
desperation beats out the cynics
winning the round
every time

As usual
god didn’t show

I gave you a name
I gave you a dangling piece of me
my insides
my memories

Maybe I was never enough
for you
Maybe we were never enough

Maybe he’s with you now
saying your name for me
singing you
all my favorite songs

But he can never be me

Playboy Mommy :: Tori Amos
from the album, From the Choirgirl Hotel (1998)