“This is my five string serenade,
beneath the water we’ve played.”

Five String Serenade (1993) :: Mazzy Star
from the album, So Tonight That I Might See

Mazzy Star is memories, it is my favorite apartment, upstairs, 1920’s with built-in’s and a claw footed tub, and big windows that let in natural light during the day. It was the scene and setting for both love and loss, and this album (So Tonight That I Might See), and this song, were all part of the backdrop to my spinning life then.

I remember lining up empty bottles on the windowsills, dropping fading/drying flowers into them, already becoming memories, too. I remember dancing barefoot on the hardwood floor to this song, at that cusp of late in the night/early in the morning. We hadn’t kissed yet, but it would come a few weeks later, right before you left for what we both thought was “for good”.

I didn’t know what we would end up meaning to each other then. No, it was all so new, and in many ways we were such good friends I never expected it to turn into love. Though that night, with the dancing, all the lights out except the street lamps outside, and the almost full moon, should have been a clue. I was usually the hopeless (hopeful?) romantic, but you beat me to it, blowing heart-shaped exhaled cigarette smoke into the room.

Sometimes it hurts to hear this song, but other times it makes me smile, thinking back…remembering.