Keep Art Alive :: “The Visitor” :: Art by Kelly Haigh

“Take it baby,
you can have it all.”

If it could only be light or dark, and not this cloudy grey sky
by me
old writings :: from January 14, 2003 (livejournal entry)

I feel a whirlwind coming on.

I’ve been a bit distracted lately. My thoughts have been drifting somewhere just out of my reach. I have been drowning in them. Even at night I don’t escape. I’ve been having the most vivid dreams. Waking with my breath caught in my throat. Tired, even after sleeping. I think I’m trying to sort out everything, in one swoop. And nothing is that easily solved.

It would be nice if things were either bad or good. If you could choose to either love or hate. Or maybe not even hate, but love and not love. If something could either be completely broken or completely fixed. But, nothing is that simple.

I woke today to a clean house and a packed lunch. For me. Love letter inside. These things that don’t happen often. That make a difference, but sometimes at the wrong time. Or the right time. I’m not sure anymore. It took a deep breath and took it all in. Even when I wanted to be hard and jaded, doubtful. I wasn’t.

My heart is my downfall.

You Can Have it All :: Yo La Tengo
from the album, And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out