You’re the first and the last of your kind :: SOTD

tumblr_mm6frkMECw1rfltouo4_500Keep Art Alive :: Art by Jolene Lai

I want to be every button you press,
and all the baths that surround you.”

(#ThrowbackThursday – old writing of mine)

by me
originally written in June 2002

You bring me your regrets,
wrapped up in holiday paper,
pretty and blind,
like the sinewy insides of my love,
for you.

I glance at the pages,
highlight your misspelled sentiment with bright red ink,
whisper my awakening,
through our life megaphone,
you just cover your ears,
bleed indifference,
my way.

I know my heart is imbalanced,
rotating on a for sale cheap bargain basement table,
everyone stops by to take a look,
offer advice,
tell me again how I’m wrong,
Your wrong.

I gather up the package of broken words,
shards of conversations that still echo on all four
corners of this room,
see our bed sheets all covered in dust,
all passion is fleeting,
flew off,
ran away,
without me.

Yet still I linger at the edge of this final curtain,
shuffle my feet,
hum the song of forget,
wandering back into a rhetorical state of mind,
and you catch me there,
snap a photo,
freeze my indecision,
for now.

Just for now.

Every Other Freckle :: Alt-J

4 thoughts on “You’re the first and the last of your kind :: SOTD

  1. I’ve never really heard alt-J. I’ve heard of them a million times & I usually skip by them if they come on the radio just because the few seconds I’ve heard were “meh” but I’m listening to this one now and I’m enjoying it! So, maybe I needed the right song. I like what you wrote too and that you’ve held on to your old writing. What do you think when you read this 2002 one, do you think “who is she?” or does it take you right back?

    1. I don’t get the sensation of being taken right back, not like music does, but I do know who I was when I wrote this. I can remember where I lived, what I was listening to, what was inspiring my writing style, who my influences were, and who I loved. I remember, too, where I was sitting when I wrote it, and what it was written for (an online/mail-list writing group).

      What I notice most is how there is a distance between me and the words written. I was hiding in some of the turns of phrase, and not letting everything just pour out. My writing now tends to bleed from me, and is also so much more personal…even when fictional…if that makes sense.

      I’m not sure which technique is better…I mean, the kind of distance in this era definitely has safety in it, and a bit more privacy and boundaries. That said, I feel like the most personal pieces, whether in poetry/prose, or just a blog post/journal type thing, mean more and impact readers more.

      Sorry, that was probably more response than you were looking for.

      Oh, and Alt-J…I’m not a huge fan of them in general, but I am a huge fan of this one song.

      1. Oh my god you always nailllll it!
        It’s like is this the time to be so transparent in our writing when who knows who will see it online? But I’m sick of editing and hiding. I use to do that even in diaries sooooo much because I was paranoid somebody would read it and KNOW.
        I’m leaving school and can’t reply more which is terrible because your comment is so excellent! I will come back to this later when I’m home=(

  2. I think I get what you mean about fiction being personal. I would/do now even watch what I write because even if it’s fictional it’s still coming from me and that says something or it’s fiction but it comes from someplace, something real, something recognizable and then people who know me and know other people I know or situations might realize where that fiction came from.
    I love your instagram photo over there on the left!

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