Jessica Aaron Nagel

Keep Art Alive :: “Jessica” :: Art by Aaron Nagel

Now then later,
I was thinking it over by the snack machine.
I thought about you and a candy bar.
The Now And Laters,
now that I’ve got,
stuck between my teeth;
I fell asleep to the greatest movie of the year.”

The extent of all we were, and all we ever could be, took place in parking lots and shabby hotel rooms. The wake up calls were the only things that roused you, though I’d been lying there counting seconds in my head, wondering how long I would have to stay next to you this time. The nights always started out strong. The clinking of ice in the paper-wrapped paper cups, Vodka stirred into something pale pink, cheering for each other before we tossed them back. You’d wrap your arms around my waist, pick me up and throw me onto the bed, the both of us laughing until our bodies took over.

But the time would pass into the sun fighting for purchase through the too thick to-the-floor drapes, the kind that make it always seem some shade of midnight. Artificial celebration becoming the throb of indiscretion paining our temples, a bass beat of regret to take away with us like some kind of twisted souvenir. Do you wish you were here with me? Do you wish to return? The flowers you brought this time are already wilting from all this stale air, dying in the questions we never ask.

You pick a fight about something you think you heard me say. But I never said a word. No, I swallowed up all the lines and lies before I pulled my car in to the farthest spot in the back, breathing in some other girl into my lungs as I pushed open the lobby doors. I will be the one you forget easily, and you will be the one who left bruises that no one will ever see. Some damages are more permanent than others.

He asks them for one more hour, a late check-out, and flips on the TV. It is mounted on the wall, permanent, stuck here forever in this room. “This is my favorite movie” is his kind good morning, his hand reaching across to me, slipping between my legs, opening them again. This is just temporary, this is a hotel room kind of goodbye.

Factory (live) :: Band Of Horses

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