Space Within by Kelly Vivanco

Keep Art Alive :: “Space Within” :: Art by Kelly Vivanco

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain, 
now you decided to show me the same. 
No sweeping exits or off stage lines, 
could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind.”

Pain was the over-arching glitter and glow that danced in her eyes. It never did matter how many layer of disguise she donned, the layers of lacquered on beauty, the harlot’s red lips painted across her too big smile, the lithe limb movements as she swayed across a dance floor, or the way she shivered and sighed in somebody’s arms – pain was still there. They say we all have the rattle and wail of skeletons in our closets, secrets tucked and tethered to our souls, but hers were right there in plain sight, writhing and wiggling into the waking world, bony fingers laced with her own, holding hands and following along. There was no escaping the deathly reminder.

Some nights she let the bone man win. He would drag her down into the pit of despair, promising her the ocean’s shells and sparkling jewels of Beauty’s sleep. Dreams were her death rattle, and she did her best to fight the sound. But, one can only chase away sleep for so long. Eventually the chemicals burn and fade away, their magical dust delights running out of steam, and slumber takes over. When she had no more fight left in her she would fall backwards, giving in, and as her lashes fluttered shut she would feel the grab and grip of the monsters taking her over. The pain was not only in her eyes anymore, it was everywhere. This was a place that she could not be found in, a place no one could rescue her from, the only place that felt like home.

Was pain her true love? Did it wait patiently in the dark, persistent in his devotion and desire, standing at the sidelines just behind the curtain, holding roses and regard for her, never waning, never going away. Pain was promise, a known entity, and the only constant she had ever known. She hears its song nearing closer and closer now, repeating over and over:

Wild horses,
couldn’t drag me away.”

Wild Horses :: The Sundays

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