Keep Art Alive :: “Forge” :: Art by Kelly Vivanco
“But, you’re just a shell of your former you,
that stranger in the mirror,
oh, that’s you.”
If she had kept a handful of coins and stashed them away in a drawer for every time a lover promised her forever, and that forever would be different than any forever promised before, she would be the richest broken-hearted girl in the world. The wide as the sky pleas, the swear I will always, the biggest ones came from the one’s who belonged to someone else. What was it about her that attracted to men who could never commit to her? The more they swore they would “take her away from all this”, the more unavailable they would actually be. Sometimes they came in the way of the sexually confused, lovers taking their last stand with her before leaving all hers behind. Other times they came to her in emotionally cracked packages, full of mommy-issues or unsurmountable addictions. In recent years, though, they came to her with rings welded on to their wedding fingers. What was it about the girl she had become that turned her heart into a married man magnet? How many times would she have to bear witness to the long list of complaints about how their wives would not do this or that in bed, would not go with them to concerts or trips abroad, would not give them what they deserved. Oh, but she would give it all in exchange for their attention, their hearts, their vows of ever after. Thing is, they never mean it, and as cliche and obvious as it may be, they never leave their prior commitments for the likes of her.
She is the girl from the backseat, the girl who glues them back together, the girl who goes down on them and raises their esteems up. She is the girl who will let you tie her up, take her from behind, who will take all your sins and make them pretty again, only for you to leave her far behind. They smile at the end, take her hand and say they will always be her friend, then throw her smack onto the ground, dust blowing up as they run far away, never looking back again. Its okay though, they think, they can now be a better man in their new lifestyle, they can do their lines and needle pushes without her worried look (even if they wind up ending their lives that way), or they can be that better husband, the one that only guilt can bring. They are quick to forget all those promises of forever they gave to her, they never meant a single word anyway.
If only she had saved up pennies for each promise broken. She would be able to buy that house by the ocean, the one that she could live in without the weight of love holding her down, she could find a way out of this factory of long days and lies, and she could paint her lips red, and the day a bright hue of forgiveness, instead of this sleepless night blue.
“Why’d you look so blue?”
Blue :: First Aid Kit