Austra by Rodrigo Luff

Keep Art Alive :: Austra :: Art by Rodrigo Luff

And, I get scared when I’m not there,
cause no one can take care of you like me.
And, I’m not strong but if something’s wrong,
well, I’ll carry anything that you need.”

The monsters used to come in a sequential spiral, following close behind the brilliance and bright sparks of light. After awhile I could see the red flag warnings off in the distance, parading their Summer holiday colors out past the shore, casting shadows over the fleeting good times between us. No one would believe the things I lived through with you, hell, thinking back I am not sure we ever believed it ourselves. Illness such as these, they grow on you, turning flesh into fire-proofing, swapping emotion for ice cold resilience. But, on the inside, we still remain soft and malleable, and easy to break.

Some nights when I fall finally into a fitful sleep I see you in that far away view, out where the flags used to fly off of a floating buoy. I think I can swim to you, I try with all I have, but I was never a strong swimmer. I see you going under, the waves criss-crossing on both sides now, pulling you with them. I can hear you scream, can feel the shudder and shake of the struggle to breathe, and in the pit of my stomach I can sense the final beats of life. Is that what those last minutes were like for you?

They all said I was the only one who could take care of you. I believed them, wearing the slayer badge dutifully, pinning it through my skin, blood dripped responsibility over-shadowing our vows. I can still hear your voice, the threats of promise that without me you would fade into nothing. Nothing is what you are now, that promise you kept, and an endless wreckage the only thing left in your wake. I see you in both of them, the light, the dark, and the pain you gifted them as legacy. Did the monsters finally win? Would it have mattered at all if I had been there, by your side, dagger and bedside manner in hand? Or were you lost to me, to us, all the way along?

Consequence of Not Sleeping (live) :: Little Green Cars

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