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Keep Art Alive :: “The Lookout” :: Art by Kelly Haigh

Let me step out of my shell.
I’m wrapped in sheets of milky winter disorder.
Let me feel the air again,
the talk of friends,
the mind of someone my equal.”

She has that tip of the tongue almost there answer, the one that will come rushing and pushing into her mind days later, in the middle of the late of night, waking her with that wish for the proverbial rewind button. The world has spun too fast for her lately, leaving her dizzy, motion sick and pale. She cut off most of her hair as a red flag warning, as a bright yellow caution sign, as a dreams crossing ahead mention; she is ready for everything to change. Next will be the color, not that there was any natural hue left anymore, she has been faking it for far too long to ever go back.

The desert calls now, dry and desolate, stark, and far enough away to help her forget. She is longing for empty spaces and miles of silences; she is still hoping that he can make the world stop for her, if only for a moment. The book pages left paper cuts on the tip of each finger, every page stinging her flesh, every word breaking her heart. They were once just her characters, part of her dreams, and she wishes sometimes that she had never shared their story with him. He went off without her, and no matter what is said now, she knows how over it is. She knows he will never come back for her now.

Disorder and disarray prevail, dragging her across the asphalt, under a low hanging moon. The dogs echo of bark and growl woke her far too early again, and she found herself pacing the hardwood floors. Her skin is sticky from the humidity that clings on everything this time of year. Summer is on its verge, waiting in the wings. Once upon a time she used to count the days for its arrival, but now she is not quite sure. The long days turn into longer nights, her insomnia always heightened when the temperatures rise. She stops to wonder what comes next, looking off into the distance, the smog filled sky giving life to yet another day.

She whispers into the endless nothing, “I want the world to stop“.

I Want the World to Stop :: Belle and Sebastian

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