Tori Amos :: My Favorite Artists
It was January 1992 when my world forever changed. That was the month and year that I became a Mother for the first time, the month and year that my oldest daughter was born, and it was the month and year that the here’s and how’s and why’s of my life became not just about me. It was the month and year that everything in my reality changed, and it was also the month and year that I discovered two artists/bands that would have an enormous impact on my life; one of the two was Nirvana, and the other was Tori Amos.
Little Earthquakes hit the record stores two days before my daughter was born, but it was actually the EP single to Crucify that I got a hold of first. I had caught Tori’s cover version of Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit on a local radio broadcast about two weeks after my daughter was born, and I remember going with one of my best friend’s to a local record store to get it, cracking it open in the car, and playing it on repeat together. He and I would later see Tori play live three times together, often considering her as our mutual musical love.
Smells Like Teen Spirit
“With the lights out,
it’s less dangerous,
here we are now,
I feel stupid and contagious,
here we are now,
It did not take long for me to grab a copy of Little Earthquakes. I played it over and over, finding myself in so many of the songs, recognizing the stories, the struggles, the pain and the pleasures within them. As an ex-parochial school girl, a survivor of childhood abuse and of a rape from two years prior that I was still trying to come to terms with, a grown-up girl who was questioning religion, and who was full of copious amounts of confusion and silences, I felt like the album was written just for me, especially the songs Precious Things, Me and a Gun and Silent All These Years. I clung to it, sang-a-long to it, memorized it, and found strength in it, enough to leave a bad relationship and take a hold of my life as a single Mother and as a twenty something woman who was going to live, write, and stay silent no longer.
Precious Things (live) :: Tori Amos
“I wanna smash the faces of those beautiful boys,
those christian boys,
so you can made me cum,
that doesn’t make you Jesus.”
Me and a Gun (live) :: Tori Amos
“You can laugh,
it’s kind of funny,
things you think at times like these,
like I haven’t seen Barbados,
so I must get out of this.”
Silent All These Years :: Tori Amos
“But, what if I’m a mermaid,
in these jeans of his with her name still on it.
Hey, but I don’t care,
I said sometimes,
I hear my voice,
and it’s been here.”
Tori and I would go on to do many things together, her music a continual part of my life soundtrack. She sang-a-long through me trying to give it a go with my daughter’s Father multiple times, and our eventual divorce. She would hold hands with me while I fell in love again, two of her albums coming with me cross-country as I followed my heart and a man who would end up being my second husband, and the Father of my other two children. She would accompany my sleepless nights through his illness, addiction and suicide. She would later grieve with me through a miscarriage, through mistakes and moves from state to state, through infidelities and insecurities. She would be the music to fill in the good spaces, too, and the mundane, the trips to the grocery, the late night talks with good friends, and days that bled into nights when I could not stop writing (and on days I could not get the words out, too).
It all started with an EP full of covers, and her musical magic in my life is far from over today. There are very few artists that have had quite an impact on my life like Tori Amos has, and I am sure this will not be the last time I write about her, and her music, here at lyriquediscorde.
Thank You :: Tori Amos
“If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.”