Keep Art Alive :: Art by Vincent Cacciotti
“Worn me down to my knees,
I did anything to please,
but you can’t stop thinking about her.”
Worn Me Down :: Rachael Yamagata
To live in the shadow of someone else’s past love is one of the roughest roads to traverse upon when in a relationship. It is a constant competition, even if unspoken, to somehow come out ahead, and to finally overtake the memory of a ghost of a girl (or boy) who still haunts the one who holds your hand now.
It is exhausting. It is emotionally brutal. And, it does wear your down.
I did it once, for awhile, with someone who meant the world to me. I think I knew it going in, too – actually I know I knew it. The consequence of being a friend first, I suppose. But, I think I played that trick with myself that so many people do, I believed I could change the person, the past, the memory, and the situation.
I would love to say lesson learned, and that I have gone on better prepared to not fall down this kind of path again. True, I do tend to listen a hell of a lot better at the start, and I speak up more when things hurt, but I still find myself under the shadows sometimes, haunted by the ghosts of those who came before. Maybe there is no way to avoid that? We all bring along our baggage when we embrace someone new. I know I have an airline carousal of my own, and in each bag there resides my ghosts of lovers who have come and gone. That said, I try not to ever use someone else to get over scars that I received from a past other, and I try not to be anyone’s second best. It is not so easy though. Ghosts and the past are always there lurking in the back, making me wonder if we ever truly get over anyone.
What do you do with your ghosts of the past? What should I do with mine?
Ghosts (live) :: Laura Marling