You could make a killing :: song of the day


Keep Art Alive :: Art by Jeremy Enecio

I wish I was both young and stupid.”

Sometimes I find myself knee-deep in nostalgia, wistful for a past that has those gold-rimmed truths that really are not so true. Memory paints itself the way the soul wants to see it, and in all the ways I was stronger then, I was weaker, too. I suppose we trade life for wisdom, mistrust for compassion, indecision for hope. Though, sometimes what you take with you is insecurity, and an internalized self-loathing.

I cringe at how entertained we all can be by self-deprecating humor. Not that I am any better, not at all, it is well in my wheel house of wit and defense mechanisms. It is always so easy to cling to misery, to fear, to obstacles, and to lose ourselves so completely that we settle for less because maybe we have never had better, or perhaps we keep informing ourselves that we are not good enough for what we truly want.

So we run, we collapse, we hide, and we crumble. For me, I may find myself wishing for when I was younger. It is a trick I have been known to play with my heart, fooling myself into believing that I felt more then, or took things to heart much less. And, maybe I did. I did tend to always be the one to love less, to hide more, and to act rash in ways that would invariably pull the rug out from underneath me.

How does one break that cycle though? How does one take the necessary steps towards being the person they wish to be?

You Could Make a Killing (live) :: Aimee Mann

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