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Keep Art Alive :: “The Lookout” :: Art by Kelly Haigh

A Girl and Her Blues
(by me)

The blows are unexpected,
they sneak in through a left open window,
or bleed out from the contents of a song,
leaving behind purple rising bruises,
in places marked easy-to-hide,
because this is the kind of pain meant to be kept solitary.

Like ghost ships full of forgotten treasure,
that only I can see,
after a five shot night of whiskey,
or a twist tryst with someone who calls you by every name,
but your own.

As if my face casting shadows on your bedsheets,
needs to be blurred out or painted over,
made into some unrecognizable fantasy,
that just cements all those grade school slurs,
and the party invitations that missed my post box,
every year.

I grow so weary of these re-writes and character studies,
ever the muse just thrown into a new set and form,
by a different artist’s hand,
(or are you just a killer in a spray paint disguise).

after awhile someone else’s lines turn into my own,
and I lock the bathroom door behind me afterwards,
watch black streaks of borrowed eyeliner slide down my skin,
as I feel nothing but the cold tiles under my feet,
ever searching the mirror reflection,
to find who I am anymore.

It is then the marks become visible,
gashes that spell out every weakness and lie,
and I think to myself,
that there are not enough tears in one girl’s lifetime,
to make this ever okay.

Maybe you should have just forged my passport,
and made me into someone from your what if stories,
at least then I could read ahead and know how it was all,
supposed to end.

The Ship Song (live/cover) :: Amanda Palmer

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