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She Spins and Spins
(by me)

I’m waiting for my zenith,
my high-flying trip to anywhere,
my clarity, my shaking moment of awareness,
that second when I finally see it all.

But here I sit waiting,
counting days and hours and inner movements,
still trying to figure out who the hell I really am,
like I could ever piece that puzzle together.

I guess I thought when I grew to this,
that I would just know everything,
or at least the in’s and out’s of what I really want,
but I still sit blindfolded by dreams and fears.

Do we ever reach that cradle of understanding?
Is it only in death that we can fully open our eyes,
embrace our pride and failings and beauty,
and just see the mysteries that lie beneath the surface of our skins?

I want it before the last and end,
wrap it around me in security and futility,
look into my hands and see the reflection of “I get it”,
finally lie back and breathe with some sort of isolated calm,
and not be so damn disbelieving,
a girl tethered by her holes and misgivings of deserving less.

Holy :: Frightened Rabbit

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