I’ve been waiting so long :: song of the day

07-odaijini audrey kawasaki

Keep Art Alive :: Art by Audrey Kawasaki

Missive Swirl
(by me)

Spread it out, spread it thin,
here it is.
This broken-down heart,
this pleading sense of so-called peace.
I want to drive circles around the how and why,
become the things of dreams,
or at least something more,
something cascading.

I want to rip the mask of the face in the mirror,
even if it rips my skin clear off,
leaving drops of who I am,
who I was,
in the bottom of the sink,
drizzling, dripping, dry.
I want to stand in front of the world and admit everything,
and nothing.
Scream that I was wrong with all of it,
admit that I saw all the warning signs along the road.

(They were right)

But, here I am still twisting and turning through the big fade,
my beloved crumbling eternal mess.
I want to sweep it all up in a brown paper box,
tissue paper, penny for luck, tuck it inside.
I want to fasten it to the underside of a demon,
affix it to an angel wing,
whomever is the highest bidder,
or the losing straw.

Which one are you?

I am this precious doubt, oh yes,
and I am this burning sense of wish and must.
I want to lose all of it,
some of it,
none of it,
stand across the sea and dive as deep as I can,
sink, sigh, survive,
cloud my eyes with water,
read the contents of all I already know.
We’re losing you, young  lady.”
Speak up.
Say it again.
I can hear them already.

They spell it out to you.
My kaleidoscope baby,
I am forever your razorback girl.
You enter and exit the motions in me, emotions,
leaving marks made with crayon,
on the interior of my eyes,
my soul.
You read me.
I want to paint secrets on your toenails,
draw a map to a greasy spoon diner on your back,
with pixie stick sugar.
Let’s climb to the top of the Hello Kitty factory,
search for our Twin Star, our scented life eraser.
Shout out mistakes and memories,
lyrics to songs stuck in our head,
or just I love you’s.

Undecided :: The Magic Numbers

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