You may believe it’s just because :: song of the day

shadows

Random scratchings with a sharp pen
(by me)

There are spinnings and twirlings,
a carnival thrill ride,
an underwater sea sunk treasure find.
The thoughts they turn into many colors,
shades,
desires.
I pause to wonder,
where to put all of this,
what life to choose,
what pocket to hide within.
Should I turn out the light,
shut my eyes,
dream,
deny,
love?

The intensity is heightened,
unreal,
mystical.
I want to drink it all in,
wallow in it awhile.
I want to wake next to you,
feel your skin on mine,
bring the blush of bliss to your face,
find a corner in your soul to swim around in,
bring life to,
light up and low.
I want this,
and you,
and me.

Your name it echoes in my unconscious mind,
daydream filled,
lurid thoughts of need and longing,
mixed and matched with just the silliest sides of who I am.
The girl dancing in the rain,
finger painting with food coloring,
finding a joke hidden beneath the couch,
on a television program,
and in your eyes.
I want you to know all of it,
my breath,
my thoughts,
all of this,
always.

I think this is selfish of me, though,
to bring forth such words,
to ignite them,
and to them such a realness.
I have had them for so long,
buried and whispered,
pushed aside,
that I do not much care to keep them in the dark any longer.
It is too late any way,
is it not?
They are already out there,
flying,
soaring.
I just do not want them to crash,
shattering,
breaking.
I cannot bear that thought of that flavor of loss.

So, I sit.
I write.
I wonder.
I feel like I repeat myself,
to you,
with I miss you,
and miss this.
You know it already,
yet it keeps pouring out of me,
bleeding from me,
from a “hole too deep to fill“.
It leaks out of my songs,
my tears,
my smiles,
the way I comb my hair,
the way I set the table,
the way that I walk in the door,
and out again.

Maybe you know this already,
maybe.

In the Absence of Sun :: Duncan Sheik

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