When we unravel, when we come undone, it is illustrated in as many different ways as there are people in existence. Some of us break into tiny, unseen pieces, leaving an internal shell of who we once have been, our voices cracked and brittle, our skin tender to the touch, and our hearts cracked open and bleeding. Others of us will shut down, the draw bridge closes and the gates go up, we hide ourselves deep inside where no one can hear us, see us, touch us, and where we can pretend to be safe. Some of us explode into a mania, of sorts, becoming boistorous, loud and chaotic, while others of us try to envelop the world and hold it close, a parental side (whether we are parents, or not) bursting within us as we are led to take on everyone else, denying our own breaking apart in the process.
Sometimes we tell someone we are collapsing, sometimes we suffer in our versions of silence. Sometimes we turn up the music and sing at the top of our lungs, pouring out every emotion, until we lose our voices and feel ourselves go numb.
“Who do you need, who do you love,
when you come undone?”
Come Undone :: Duran Duran
When he fell apart the boy with the anchor tattoo rented s late 50’s car, the kind with big fenders, heavy doors, and a bit of a back-fire that spit out when you hit the gas.
He drove through the desert just a bit above the speed limit, off to “anywhere but here” with someone he met in a darkened bar days before. She is just three days past being a stranger, with a name that sounds like a Southern drawl when you say it aloud.
They become an cacophony of soft sighs and rough hands, as the two toss and turn in the backseat, leaving marks and misguided lipstick stains on each other. This is an early Winter fling, a steamy page-turner, a diary entry just waiting to happen, though he will claim he does not remember telling her she would be forever.
She was just part and parcel to his breakdown. We all have our ways of coping when it all comes undone.
“I’m not scared of the dark though you tangle and tease me.
But, worse than your bark you said you’d never leave me.
The devil make everybody, don’t please believe me.
Oh love of my life, won’t you let me down easy?”
Come Undone :: Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan