“I’m still singing,
twisting new melodies, breaking arrangements.
Thinking about my heart,
I guess you’ve heard, sometimes it’s heavy.
but I just keep moving;
When I hit a wall,
I look up at the sky.”
First days and new beginnings are exciting to me, motivating, full of that renewed faith that I am starving for right now. The start of something, a new month, or the start of a new week, has that first day of school feel to it. I feel as if I have a backpack full of new supplies, paper that is still crisp, blank notebooks, unsharpened pencils, and that shiny lunchbox – perhaps this time with a superhero affixed on the front – packed with fresh summer fruits and a thermos of something to be kept cool.
Perhaps it is like meeting someone new. There is that air of nervousness that hovers over the first words and glances, but the excitement typically takes over, and that overwhelming realization that, if only for a bit of time, you are also someone new. All your stories are untold, all your clumsy fumblings or what you consider failings are undiscovered, and you get to reveal whatever you choose – at least for a little while. At this juncture of interaction we rarely think about disappointment, resentment, or any possible future parting of ways.
There is more than just initial introductions that can feel this kind of new. It does not have to be limited to those we have never known before. Do we not get that rush of chances and possibility when we reconnect with someone from our distant, or not so distant, past? When we lay down the gauntlet of past indiscretions, bruised feelings, and misunderstandings are we not gifted back a brand new day? Do we still stand at the corner, at the intersection, at the proverbial crossroads and decide whether or not to proceed?
Or sometimes we just need to do that for ourselves again. Wake up in the morning, pour a strong cup of coffee, and give ourselves another chance to start over, to stand back up, to brush off the debris, and to find our own way to begin.
I wonder what I will begin, or begin again with, on my next first day?
Begin :: Ben Lee