Top Five Tuesday :: We’ll pretend that it meant something

Top Five Tuesday :: Death Cab For Cutie

On the heels of my favorite album choice this week comes my top five songs of Death Cab For Cutie. What can I say, I must be having a Seth Cohen kind of week, which in all honesty is not a bad kind of week to have. So, here we go, here they are, with a three-sentence mini-commentary on each song:

5. Talking Like Turnstiles

“Sometimes I talk like a turnstile,
when I have had too much to drink,
A tangled tongue like English Ivy,
just like a film dubbed out of sync.”

I love the jangled, topsy-turvy feel to this song, it reminds me of my fractured, upside down thoughts some days, and how my words often become a criss-cross confusion of my random thinking. My dearest of dears understand that I get like this, talking sometimes faster than I can think, and they bear with me, following along, or at least pretending to. Some nights back in those late Summer months of long ago he talked like that, too, with me, late into the night, or early into the morning, until the sun decided to come back out.

4. Transatlanticism

“I need you so much closer.”

I was lying on the couch across the room from you, and you were busy talking with him, feigning interest, trying not to notice me looking at you. You came over to me when he left the room and asked to hear what I was listening to, and with my headphones in your ears, and our eyes on each other, a different kind of connection was fused between us. I should have known then that our lips would be next to touch, and that a reckless moment of desire would lead to so much more, both delightful and painful.

3. A Movie Script Ending

“Passing through unconscious states,
when I awoke I was on the highway.
With your hand on my shoulders,
a meaningless movement…a moviescript ending,
And the patrons are leaving, leaving.”

We left in the middle of the night, a few pieces of clothing and a toothbrush each shoved in a bag. We had been talking, fighting, spinning circles in hurt feelings and echos of past disappointments, without a way out of it all. You said, let’s just go, get out of here, change the fucking scenery, and look for our happy ending.

2. Tiny Vessels

This is the moment that you know,
that you told her that you loved her but you don’t.
You touch her skin,
and then you think,
that she is beautiful but she don’t mean a thing to me
.”

You still say it, say that you love me, but it was never the kind of love that I took it once as, nor the kind of love that I felt for you. You excused it as some perk to a friendship we had carved out, even though I know deep down you knew how much I felt for you. Still you persisted, and still you held me in your arms, in the middle of the most passionate of moments saying to me you loved me, but you never really did, no.

1. A Lack of Color

And when i see you,
I really see you upside down.
But my brain knows better,
it picks you up and turns you around
.”

My memories of what we shared, it completely skews the way I see you now, the images and remembered feelings they become a biased chemical reaction, combustible, volatile, and lit up. Sometimes I forget to hold back, to take care, and to not slice myself open so deeply with you. Other times I feel we are both hanging upside down, half-dizzy, our heads fuzzy from so much blood rush, making it near impossible for either of us to think, or react, with rationality or any kind of realistic expectation.

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