30-Day Song Challenge :: Day 21 :: A Song That You Listen To When You’re Sad

Back when we first met, when things were full of life and promises of forever love and breathless lust, back when we were long distance, you on one coast, and me on the other, we would play music to each other, through the phone lines, until one or both of us fell asleep. When we saw each other again, that first night together again, we dragged that boom box radio/tape player and played this album while we sat out on the motel balcony, Florida rains stopping and starting, the air hot and humid. You kept replaying this song, singing to me.

When I went back the following week the nightly phone calls started up again, as did the musical lullaby exchange. This was a much played song on those long nights of being so far away from each other.

The song would turn up later, during one of our break-ups. I found it on a thought to be lost mix tape that I found at the bottom of my closet. I played it and remembered. I played it again and called you. A day later and we were back together again. It used to be like that, with us, we would break-up and time would pass, neither of us forgetting each other, and then all it would take was a song to play and we would be back in each other’s arms.

It was almost always this song.

We loved each other in that kind of crazy forever kind of way, though it broke us in many, many ways, for many, many reasons.

But, well, you died and now I hear the song and all it does is make me cry. I am not saying I would want it to lead us back together again if you were here, but I hate you sometimes for taking away that option. I hate that you took your life away from yourself, from me, from our kids. I do not always hate you, no, but when I hear this song, and the pain hits again, I hate you again for it, and I feel so very sad.

Out to Get You (live) :: James

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