Don’t say it’s up to me

If I told you I missed you, would you take it the wrong way? Would you think I wanted to see you? Would you think I wanted you back? Or would you stop talking to me (again)?

You put it on me, the good and the bad, every time. When I gave you took, and ran. When I withdrew you came after me, down ever alley, through every corridor, begging. But, when I would turn to look at you, to face you, to say one more time you would turn to frost (again).

You brought me sugar of a certain kind, though it never left either of us very sweet, did it? You broke me just as much as you healed me. After awhile I could not tell the difference between broken and healed, not with you. Sometimes I think you let yourself love me, sometimes I let myself love you. There were moments we both believed, we both felt it, we both fell. And then you would take off and leave without me (again).

This song, it makes me think of you, of us, of every single fucked up moment we shared. The sweet and the shattered. Leaving was never really up to me. The morning sun and check out times, they were never my fault. You always had somewhere else to go, and you always blamed me for that, too. But if I care to admit, here today, this song, well it makes me miss you (again).

Sugar (live) :: Tori Amos

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