Never again, you would have heard me swearing up and down, never again. Marriage was something I felt strongly that I failed completely at, and marriage, I felt strongly had failed me completely. It can be said to be archaic, and with the state of many of the States, it is inclusive in ways I do not agree with. For me, I was never that girl who dreamed of wedding gowns and fairy tale weddings. For someone who is a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic and optimist, and who will admit to having a soft spot for happy endings, my sense of sensibility kicked into high gear when it came to weddings. Love and marriage and happily ever afters, I am not sure I ever truly believed, and as I have gotten older, and faltered so in relationships that led to marriage, I just doubted the entire concept completely.
Then he changed my mind.
If you asked him, he would deny any intention to change who I am. One of the things that changed it for me is because he would never change who I am. He is very much a best friend, a lover, a motivator, an inspiration, and a true life partner. We believe in each other’s dreams, and do not try to diffuse each other’s light. Us feels as essential as music, words, and coffee.
This song, I listened to it one night alone in the car, and the lyrics hit me so hard and deep that they rolled around inside of me for days and days to come. If I could credit anything else for changing my mind perhaps it would be this song, and these simple and lovely lyrics:
“Cause it’s a little bit of everything,
the way you choke, the way you ache.
It is waking up before you,
so I can watch you as you wake.
So in that day in late September,
it’s not some stupid little ring,
I’m getting a little bit of everything.”
So, I took a stand and broke a “never again”, and asked him to marry me. It was scary and empowering, emotional, and honestly amazing. I think we write our own stories, and this was a moment for me, my post-modern fairy tale moment, and we are worth it.
Truth is, we changed my mind.
A Little Bit of Everything (live) :: Dawes