Fate is a tricky thing, transient and confusing. Do we create our own versions of fate to comply with our desires, or do we finally reach a point in our lives where we wake up and recognize where are path is clearly drawn? Where do we fit the people and things that we collect, and hold close to us, if our new-found enlightenment does not include them? Is there really one truth to all of it, one way to go, one choice that will define the steps we take? If we decide that the direction that we see painted on the inside of each eyelid, when we close our eyes and really listen to our soul, is going to include loss or pain – is it still worth it? What cost is too high a cost? And, what do we make of our lives when we realize the future we held as part of our own has nothing to do with us anymore?
I want to believe that things happen for a reason, even when that truth is hard to take in, and ever so tiresome to hear. That said, I also cling to the belief that we have choices to make, and that fate is like an outline that we can trace, but the colors we choose to decorate it with are still up to us. We are responsible for filling in all that blank space. I choose to believe that the family I have, and the family I have made, is worth everything to me; and in that, I know that I would fight any battle, and traverse any obstacle, if it meant that we all go on another day breathing and learning, singing and listening, and living.
The older one gets the more one realizes that it is rare to meet people who get you, who love you regardless of the mess you may be, and who let you grow, and be, whoever you truly are.
So, what of fate? I have not sorted out what mine is just yet. I thought I knew what it was, or at least a blurry outline of it. Perhaps I was allowing the writer in me to create a future that I wanted to exist in, with people who I trusted my heart with. Maybe I have not had that quiet moment of self-revelation, where it all becomes clear. Or, the scenario I tend to believe the most in: perhaps there are multiple paths in front of me, some known and some yet to be discovered, and that it is alright not to know just yet. What I do know is that I would never give up on the people I love, nor the family I have, and have made, or been included within; because I know how rare they are, and how fragile and beautiful love is.