“Lua” by Bright Eyes

The first time I heard the song “Lua” was around Valentine’s Day. A good friend of mine sent out these mix CD’s for the occasion, filled with songs and bands that at the time I’d not heard of. Bands I would end up completely falling in love with (appropriate that it was a Valentine’s Day CD – she had some of Cupid’s magic working for her). The Libertines were on that CD, and anyone who knows me well knows what that band has meant to me. Ted Leo and The Delays were on the CD, too, and Arcade Fire. I’m telling you, it was an amazing mix of music.

“Lua” was one of the tracks. It was my first introduction to the song, and to Bright Eyes/Conor Oberst.

“Lua” by Bright Eyes – from the album, I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning (2005)

“And I know you have a heavy heart, 
I can feel it when we kiss,
so many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it.
But me I’m not a gamble,
you can count on me to split.
the love I sell you in the evening,

by the morning,
won’t exist.”

“Lua” by Bright Eyes
from the album, I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning (2005)
Song Of The Day – March 14, 2011

“Lua” took me apart on my first listen. It seriously dismantled me in ways that certain songs, pieces of art, moments in film, and pages of books sometimes do. I remember having to pull my car over to the side of the road, pause the song, and remind myself to breathe. Once upon a time, in my own past history, I’d been so much like this song. So much that tears streamed down my face while Conor’s fragile voice trilled out over the strum of his acoustic guitar.

There is so much beauty in this song. So much desperation, and a certain kind of loneliness that you possess when you spend most of your nights in smoke-filled clubs, pressing up against strangers in stairwells and dance floors, making excuses to disappear into the bathroom with chemicals tucked in your purse, or bra.

It’s been a lifetime since I was anything like girl, but I still recognize her, and she still resonates with the woman I am today.

“Lua” feels so personal to me, and I’m pretty certain it will always be one of my favorite Bright Eyes songs, as well as just one of my favorite songs period.

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